Defamer
Not long after Lindsay Lohan's miracle-working attorney entered a guilty and no-contest plea for various misdemeanor counts of drunk-driving and being under the influence of blowcaine—pleas that earned the actress one! whole! day! (at least!) in jail—Lohan's image-salvation team issued this statement:
"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs," she said in a statement.
"Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have."I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."
Dismiss these words as nothing more than yet another calculated attempt by a well-paid publicist to convince the world that a sober, remorseful Lohan is back on the road to insurability if you must, but we're choosing to accept her unqualified admission of responsibility. The next time a high-speed chase leads her into another confrontation with police, we're confident a more mature Lohan will serenely accept the blame for her actions, rather than pointing fingers at the black kid or countenance any debate about whose coke-pants she's wearing.
- Lindsay Lohan: 'I Am Addicted to Alcohol and Drugs' [People]
- Previously: Breaking: Not Enough Blow In Lindsay's Coke-Pants To Warrant A Felony [Defamer]
Comments
ARRRRRRGH!
Help me out, folks. I need a word stronger than "hate" for this.
Looks much too grammatically correct to have come from Lindsay, obvs., but the question is, shouldn't the publicist have thrown in an "xxoo" to at least make it look like it came from Linds?
Eh. It's adequite, if not fully so.
With all sincerity, though, I really do hope that -- despite the fact this was CLEARLY written by Ms. Blow-han herself -- the statement is true.
Just keep Dina out of this process and I think she'll have a chance in hell.
"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs."
Well, at least she's been able to memorize Step #1 from the Big Book . . . I can't wait until Steps #8 & 9! She'll be so busy making amends to all of us, she won't have time to make crappy music and movies.
Well, at least she's "taking responsibility".
There is one silver lining to this outrage: if we're pissed off, imagine how Paris Hilton feels. Her ass must be burning even more than it ordinarily does from that .... you know ... condition.
Lindsay has always done the best mea culpas. Really, Judith Regan should come out of retirement and do a book of all the arrested starlet apologies over the past five years. She could call it "Yeah, I did it".
Is there any possible way in which anyone is supposed to think these are the actual words of the actual Lindsay? Or her actual sentiments? Agreed, Sugartitsmcfirecrotch, it's just a quick cut-and-paste of the 12 Steps.
I'd like to see your average skid row wino get hauled in on a drunk-and-disorderly and make this speech to the court. Yeah, that'll work.
...and the world yawned.
Wake me when she's six months clean.
LiLo's 'image-salvation' team better kick it up several notches. NPR forced me to turn to our local Jack FM station and the first thing I heard was a bumper snicker about 'Lindsey Lohan scrubbing toilets'. HA!
If the lame bumper jokes on a Jack FM station are snarking on you, you are in dire need of something...
Oh, and how did NPR force my lightning swift button punching this morning? Why they were playing their uber-smug 'Story Core'(sic) segment wherein people who can't get LiLo/Paris/Britney sized media attention send in recordings of their memories of their Aunt Viola's peach preserves and how they affected their attitudes on recycling or something equally boring to the rest of the world...
Not adiquite.
Calculating from Nicole's 4 days = 82 minutes actually served, Lindsay's time in the slammer will be 20.5 minutes. Maybe they can pack her bologna sandwich to go?
@queensissy: That bitch doesn't eat food, Queen! What the hell are you trying to pull?
@Shumina: "OxyContin".. just a thought.
when your in a program, your not to start a relationship for a year,,,,to the young lady that she hurt by taking her man" it wont last" shes a looser.....lindsay, "get a plant" bet you it dies in a week, all you care about is yourself.....dirt bag
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