· A: Probably mass suicide. Staring into the existential void represented by Spears' vagina should almost invariably lead one to the conclusion that life is absurd and meaningless.
Al Gore seems less than psyched that Lindsay Lohan has named him as a sponsor in her planned crusade against the gossip-obsessed media.
· Rosie O'Donnell's not leaving The View, so we expect Elizabeth Hasselbeck isn't quite ready to ease up on the cutting.
We're not even going to pretend that we have any idea why Beyonce's face is rippling like that.
Heads are a-rollin' at the Hollywood Reporter, just in time for Christmas.
Hey, horny manatee!

5:54 PM on Thu Dec 7 2006
By Mark
13,441 views
8 comments

Comments

nojo at 06:19 PM on 12/07/06
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Connectedness Index: 62

Actually, we've only seen it closed. When it opens, the wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant is revealed.
Redondo Dubonnet at 07:36 PM on 12/07/06
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What's next is "Britney: The Fuck Me Tour"
NotReadyForPrimeTime at 09:14 PM on 12/07/06
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Connectedness Index: 45

The Horny Manatee raises more existential questions than it answers.
bunnyblues at 10:57 PM on 12/07/06
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I think she has to give back the $300MM she made not showing it to anyone.

Honestly, the whole thing is so anti-climactic (uh, literally). I need a new tease. Is JoJo stil keeping it in her pants?
mink at 07:33 AM on 12/08/06
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I am still in recovery from the thoughtful email from a colleague entitled Trailer Snatch - I know I should not have opened it and my retinas are still scorched...
schvitzatura at 08:32 AM on 12/08/06
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Existential question, as answered by neo-feminist Camille Paglia, over at Gotham-centric sister site of Defamer, Gawker.
mothrafairy at 09:18 AM on 12/08/06
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I'm actually surprised that Camille rendered a typical verdict about the serial snatch-flashers, as reported by Gawker.

I was certain Paglia would find some redemptive, iconic value in this juggernaut of Ho-baggery...all inevitably related to her longtime conviction that Madonna is the most innovative and orignal "artist" of the era. But, she basically agreed that the girls were behaving like trollops.

Thank heaven such "great minds" are now confirming these matters for us lesser thinkers.
remyboncouer at 09:54 AM on 12/08/06
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And if you gaze for long into [the firescorched] abyss, the [firescorched] abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146