While last Valentine's Day for Ralph Fiennes was spent rather unromantically separating from his longtime spouse after she discovered he was taking non-singing vocal lessons from a Romanian chanteuse, one year later, the caddish actor and his wandering loins find him embroiled in the sort of "sex scandal" that gets you nothing but a round of high-fives from the crew:

A QANTAS flight attendant faces the sack after being accused of having sex with British actor Ralph Fiennes in an aircraft toilet while flying from Australia to India. [...]
Qantas staff who were aware of the incident said last night the couple were caught after crew members waited outside the toilet.

In a statement lodged with her employer, [Lisa] Robertson denied the allegations.

While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet,'' Ms Robertson said in her statement.
"I went to the nearby toilet and entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.

"I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet, which he did."

Robertson's entire statement is available here—a must-read for the erotic denial fetishists among you—though, at over 1500 words, wethinks the stewardess lady doth protest too much. Despite her longwinded explanations to the contrary, however, it will be hard for her to counter the eyewitness testimony of her co-workers—particularly the fellow flight attendant whom Robertson, eager to share her exciting new secret, approached while stocking the drink cart and whispered, "You're not going to believe this, but I just played 'catch the Golden Snitch' with Lord Voldemort at 30,000 feet!"

Ralph Fiennes in sex scandal [The Daily Telegraph]

11:55 AM on Mon Feb 12 2007
By Seth
2,109 views
16 comments

Comments

junkie at 12:13 PM on 02/12/07
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If I was cornered in the toilet with Fiennes I'd ask him why he insists on a silent L in his first name. And then I'd ask for music lessons of course.
Miss Anne Thrope at 01:26 PM on 02/12/07
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Is this some kind of bizarre ad for the spaciousness of Quantas' first class bathrooms?
Dave J. at 01:26 PM on 02/12/07
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Connectedness Index: 95

From her statement:

I am a designated detective and trained hostage negotiator, weapons instructor and lecturer at the NSW Police Academy on covert operations. I have extensive training in many facets of policing, I have studied Law for several years and I am a qualified scuba diving instructor.

Well, goddam, Quantas.
garth at 01:31 PM on 02/12/07
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Is this some sort of last-ditch attempt to prevent the Qantas sale?
dubman at 03:23 PM on 02/12/07
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So, how many frequent flier miles did THAT set him back?
NotReadyForPrimeTime at 03:51 PM on 02/12/07
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Connectedness Index: 45

Getting the sack for being in the sack? Oh, the irony.
pimpmyPR at 03:52 PM on 02/12/07
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You'd never try this on United. Their first class is crewed by AARP. Unless you were into granny-shagging of course...
Scout at 05:08 PM on 02/12/07
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Connectedness Index: 91

I hope she had the presence of mind to get Daniel Craig's phone number from Ralph or Rafe or whatever-his-name-is.
NotReadyForPrimeTime at 05:20 PM on 02/12/07
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Connectedness Index: 45

How come "Qantas" doesn't have a "U" after the "Q"? That Koala bear is not a very good speller.
Dansmiley at 06:23 PM on 02/12/07
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My apartment is the size of a Qantas bathroom and I still manage to have sex. With myself, but still.
Dansmiley at 06:29 PM on 02/12/07
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And why are they calling it a scandal? I'd call it an achievement. Always with the scandal.....
Scout at 06:31 PM on 02/12/07
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Can I nominate Ralph Fiennes as an additional potential father for Anna Nicole's baby? He's seems quite frisky with the ladies, and clearly she had some rather casual standards. It could be possible.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall-Smith-Stern-Birkhead-Von Anhault-Fiennes.

It just roles off the tongue.
Miss d at 07:29 PM on 02/12/07
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NotReadyForPrimeTime>

QANTAS is an acronym for Queensland and Northern Territory Air Services.

And ok, they fly abit further than that these days - but hey - we Australians are sentimental, and also like to fuck with peoples minds.

AND it's just Koala.

They are marsupials, not ursa.

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As for Mr Fiennes joining the mile high club - I thought the rules were:

1. Not someone you know,
2. Not in the toilets, and
3. Don't screw the crew.

So I suppose 1 outta 3 shows interest, but no winged badge...
picardia at 07:55 AM on 02/13/07
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Connectedness Index: 0

This woman should not be fired. She should be given a medal.
The Gen X Eurotrash... at 09:04 AM on 02/13/07
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I mean, it's not like the customer was complaining...

and this is why male actors should never marry women much too old for them. They just get all desperate when it breaks up. If he'd been fucking nubile starlets for the past twenty years he wouldn't even think about banging stewardesses.
Greasy Thumb Guzik at 10:54 AM on 02/13/07
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Now we know why Qantas has never had a crash!