Defamer
The occasional Barbara Walters anecdote about her bathroom stall misadventures notwithstanding, we've always felt that the ladies of The View spend far too little time chatting about potty-related matters.
Imagine, then, our delight in Sherri Shepherd's extended discussion of the awe-inspiring centerpiece of Whoopi Goldbeg's luxurious powder room, a Toto brand commode featuring technology so advanced that its variable speed water jets are deployed only when the system detects you've finished a chapter in your first-edition copy of Pride & Prejudice. Given the amazing national publicity the company has just received, we imagine each View host will quickly be receiving a fanny-pampering wondershitter of her own, allowing for ongoing, provocative conversations about their differing preferences in oscillating or pulsating personal-cleansing options.
- The View [ABC.com]
- Previously: Hillary Clinton Gunning For Strategically Crucial 'The View' Endorsement [Defamer]
Comments
Did you know that "Whoopi" earned her nickname as a child due to her persistent flatulence? It appears that, even to this day, she has not veered far from her source material.
Also: Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.
@metroville: Is that how Tootie on Facts of Life got her name, too?
Now that's a view I'd rather not think of.
...fanny-pampering wondershitter...
Beautiful.
These toilets were standard in Tokyo as early as 2002. The heated toilet seat should be considered a basic standard for human living conditions.
see, i always felt that baba wawa spent too much time talking period.
if the toilet could only also give you a reacharound, it would be worth every penny.
@Bufflekins: Hellz, my fanny was getting pampered by simpler versions of this Tokyo wondershitter as far back as the early '90s.
This, however, would make me cry: [www.youtube.com]
Whoopi's toilet is so good, you can almost see her career circling the inside of it.
@Hez: Oh, I meant to phrase it "by at least 2002." I'm sure they have been there a while. Now, why is it that we have polyphonic ringtones now, and square cars, but no Toto specials?
@Bufflekins: My stint teaching Engrish was post-Toto, but amazingly, pre-cell phone and intertubes. They existed, of course, but almost nobody had 'em. ("Sunrise, sunset...")
What I really want to make it over here (besides www.hard-gay.org) are the beer vending machines, most of which operate on the "honour system" after last call and merely turn their lights off, but still dispense. (Heh. Foolish machines.) And I want them to be ergonomic, too. As one machine with a waist-level dispenser window described it (in Engrish, natch), "For the Ultimate in No-Bending Vending."
Don't think I haven't used that phrase in a variety of contexts since then.
@Hez: HARD GAY!!!!!!!
@Bufflekins: I can't take credit for digging that one out... it was VenusCloacina over on Gawker in the thread about the new strain of "SuperGays". "Razor Ramon" steals a fair bit from Chris Pontius' "Party Boy", but damn, I love the episode titles (i.e. "Hard Gay Sunrise").
I'll say it since no one else has: Nobody gives a shit about your shitter, Whoopi.
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