Defamer
We are disappointed anew by each firsthand report we receive from readers recounting their run-ins with celebrities they've caught performing the life-perpetuating acts of eating, drinking, or excreting, as we prefer to stubbornly maintain our belief that the Creator frees the famous from these messy, mortal routines, allowing them to be preserved in the pristine state of the exact moment in which He first chose them for eternal greatness. Imagine, then, the letdown we experienced upon reading about how one of this year's Oscar nominees carelessly allowed herself to be seen sullying her physical vessel on the one night that should be dedicated to upholding our possibly delusional ideas about her perfection:
So we were doing the total fan thing. We live in the desert and didn't realize that Hollywood had better security on Oscar night than any President had ever seen...but still we drove on. In the drive through at In-N-Out on Sunset, about 30 minutes after the show, we were behind on huge SUV and another security filled SUV.
One guard hopped out and stood watch over the lead vehicle. The window of the large one opened in the back revealing one Penelope Cruz. My wife and I both took note that the Governor's Ball had barely started, was she perhaps a bit miffed?For the naysayers out there....it was confirmed by the drive through dude. We did not lead him on the question. He said, "That was Penelope Cruz..she was a total hottie!" In our constant cry for underfed actresses to have one, we were pleased she actually ATE a cheeseburger.
If celebrities are going to insist on destroying our image of them as ethereal beings with no need for greasy sustenance (even the delicious, In-N-Out kind), we'd prefer they go about it the way that Helen Mirren did at the Vanity Fair Oscar party: by lustily engaging in some deep-throating burgerporn before the eager lenses of wire service photographers. We might as well get some cheap jollies out of having our cherished beliefs crushed.
- Awards Season Isn't Over Yet: RTS Awards, Oscar Parties [Anglophenia]
Comments
What do you mean? Of course Helen Mirren eats. Helen Mirren eats, drinks and fuc&s.
Taylor Hackford is a very lucky man...
Wait, you're saying Cruz likes the ol' In-n-out?
I don't believe it...
She gets it without meat.
Why are they all so hungry? Is it because they starved themselves for weeks leading up to the event? Or is the event some kind of major weed-fest, with giant bongs everywhere?
@Trixie from Toronto:
Totally must be from starving themselves for weeks beforehand.
There's a picture from two years ago of Hilary Swank scarfing a burger that's proudly displayed at my local Astroburger.
I'd like to take Penelope Cruise on Animal Style, Protein-style.....
O.K. that was somewhat sick, but as they said in The Big Lebowski,
Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Toby Young has something in his book How To Lose Friends about how there's one McDonalds where all the celebs hit the drive-thru after the ceremony. Sorry, too lazy to go look it up, but if you drop him an email I'm sure he'll give you the address and GPS coordinates, in exchange for a link.
Wait until the x-rated photoshoppers get ahold of that Mirren pic.
As someone who works on these shows, I can tell you how f'ing hungry they are. From virile red carpet beginning to flacid best picture end, it's about 8 hours. You want to eat your own foot by the time it's over...and I'm a calorie consuming non-actor!
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