Because an A-list actor's refusal to attend the Academy Awards ceremony in a year in which he appears in a Best Picture candidate is an act of disrespect to the Hollywood Community tantamount to urinating upon one of Wolfgang Puck's chocolate Oscars at the Governors Ball, Page Six launched an investigation into Brad Pitt's Sunday night whereabouts, finally determining that the personally un-nominated performer was busy filming a movie in New Orleans. With that mystery solved, they turn their attention to the Not-So-Curious Case of Eddie Murphy's Post-Loss Disappearance:

Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy acted like a sore loser when he didn't get the Best Supporting Actor prize for "Dreamgirls," our spies said. Murphy left his seat at the Kodak Theatre and ditched the gala. He also didn't bother showing at any of the Oscar parties. "He was furious and just went home," a source said.

One can hardly blame Murphy for the ceremony-abandoning fugue state induced by such a devastating loss; clearly, this was his brain's automatic, ego-protecting response to the kind of unexpected psychic trauma that could have easily resulted in the kind of embarrassing meltdown that had once famously claimed fellow emotionally fragile, frequently fat-suited thespian Martin Lawrence. Luckily for everyone in attendance, Murphy exited the event before a rapid, stress-related dehydration drove him onstage to interrupt Alan Arkin's acceptance speech by brandishing a firearm and screaming, "There's no way I fucking lost to the guy whose big moment came when wrapped up in a sheet and tossed in the back of a car, just like the crazy old dead aunt in Vacation."

• OSCARS ABSENCE WAS THE PITTS [Page Six]