Defamer
To celebrate Katie Couric's first night on the job at the CBS Evening News, her new bosses arranged for her to present a sneak preview of the long-awaited, heavily guarded first photographs of suspiciously unseen celebrity infant Suri Cruise. The internets, of course, were already hard at work reproducing the images, which won't be officially available until Vanity Fair hits the streets tomorrow, posting stills and video of the pictures shown on the Couric broadcast minutes ahead of CBS's sanctioned stories.
We're sure that high-quality scans of the photos will be widely available tomorrow, but based on the glimpses afforded by CBS, we have to say that we're more than a little disappointed. After months of preparation for the shoot meant to finally provide indisputable evidence of the child's existence, you'd think that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would have been able to finally settle on a single loaner "Suri" for the spread, instead of Katie stubbornly insisting that her favorite Asian infant rental be photographed along with the more believeable Caucausian one, an unfortunate decision that will surely touch off months of a two-baby conspiracy theory.
[Photos: Vanity Fair/CBS News]
- Suri Cruise Revealed by Katie Couric [Us Weekly]
- Suri Cruise Vanity Fair Photos Unveiled by Katie Couric [What I'm Watching]
Comments
Wait...I didn't think Scientologists could touch their children...oh, it was done for money and publicity? Nevermind.
Hey, Grandma and Grandpa Holmes...meet your granddaughter. Now, stop with the phone calls.
"Yes, Suri, She's Our Baby"?!?!?!?
When did Vanity Fair start looking towards the New York Post for copy?!?!?!
They cant be serious--that kid is way more than 6 months old!
Why is it wearing a wig?
it looks like christina ricci from my cubicle.
Unbelieveable!
You're right-those are two distinctly different children. And one of them is Asian!
Of course, they attempt to keep up the ruse by obscuring the left side of the child's face, ostensibly to hide surgery scars from the removal of the alien tentacle and/or wine stain discoloration whose removal necessitated hiding the child all these months.
But the fringe on top of this Suri is cut differently in each photo! For the love of Xenu, Suri they jest!
Is Graydon Carter trying to fool us?
Is he asking us to "read between the (airbrushed) lines"?
Were the photos delivered to Vanity Fair or did he and other independent witnesses verify that this is not a Scientologist version of the Olsen Twins?
Or is this a great joke?
I hope earlobe analysis is already underway. I think that's how they proved Paul McCartney was replaced by Billy Shears.
at least now i know i don't actually have to get knocked up to have a baby, i just need to keep my copy of photoshop installed.
Where do you find blue contacts that small?
Wow. Suri definitely has alien eyes. And Rosie O'Donnell's old hair.
In the picture on the left, Katie is whispering into SuriBot's ear, "Blink your eye rapidly three times... then twice with a slightly longer duration... now three times again... maybe the photographer can pick up on my distress signal."
Sadly, the Scientologists knew Katie might be put up to something like this, which is why they glued SuriBot's eyelids open, ensuring she would never, ever blink for mommy and give her away to Vanity Fair photographers with escape cars.
Long way down (one last thing)...
Suri does have a bit of Katie around the nose and mouth--but the Asian influence is clear--could there be an outside DNA involved here? Does any civilian airline pilot (rumor, yes, but maybe so) come to mind?
Oh, and just so it is not lost in this baby madness, I hope Walter Cronkite is now choking on his endorsement of Katie Couric in the CBS Anchorperson chair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I want the fucking evening news TO BE ABOUT REAL NEWS! Illegal wiretaps, bombs dropping in the Middle East, the 'No Child Left Behind' sham.
(Sorry, I'm still peeved about the "Yes, Suri, She's Our Baby" title.)
This is how the female heir to the CBS news dynasty begins her first day? And I'm sure there is a quote somewhere about her wanting to be taken seriously as a journalist.
I'm sure there is a quote by Katie Couric somewhere saying how she wants to be taken as a serious journalist regardless of gender. Thanks for nothing, Katie.
The world ends tomorrow. Thank you fucking CBS assholes. Too bad you'll be in hell and I won't.
I thought the baby was supposed to be 4 months old, not 4 years old.
That small person is of voting age if she's a day.
well, at least we can now confirm that jake ryan is suri's father.
this must have been written about "kate" then:
Jake: I do independent study with her. I catch her lookin' at me a lot. It's kinda cool, the way she's always lookin' at me.
Jock: Maybe she's retarded
Jake: I'm being serious, ok. She looks at me like she's in love with me.
One copy of VF that will NOT be on my coffee table. Gotta wait til the fall music issue, I guess.
So Austin Powers fathered that kid, I see.
It looks like that "child" is wearing the Baby Toupee from the skit on SNL.
Q; Why are Tomkat's eyes closed in all the photos???
A: So they would not be staring in the wrong place after they cut and paste the baby in.
Apparently "Suri" was three months old when the photos were taken. Being the Hollywood pros that they are, Tom & Katie obviously used twins (fraternal - not so smart) for this photoshoot.
doesnt anyone remember when Tom was married to
Kidman that they tried and could have kids and they adopted because Tom was the one that didnt have enough sperm to get anyone PG. Baby doesnt look at all like Tom to me, But she does look alitle like Katie.
i heard that these guys made a custom toupee for TomKat http://www.babytoupee.com
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