Defamer
Enough time has passed since Robert Altman's death on Monday night for hundreds of tributes to the filmmaking legend to finally appear in the media. But none of the reflections on Altman's career or personal impact on those who've worked on his sets will move you more profoundly than the one released yesterday by his A Prairie Home Companion charge, Lindsay Lohan, who risked physical altercations with impatient nightclub patrons by locking herself in a bathroom stall in London and not emerging until this heartwrenching, incomprehensible expression of grief over Altman's passing was tapped out on her Swarovski crystal-encrusted Sidekick and sent out into the world:
"I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle."I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches.
"If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could..
"Robert altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.
"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.
"I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle."I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches.
"If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could..
"Robert altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.
"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.
"I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years.
"The point is, he made a difference.
"He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.
"So every day when you wake up.
"Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments.
"The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.
"Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.
"Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have.
"When we shouldn't..... '
"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.
"If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I'm one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I'm just a phone call away.
God Bless, peace and love always.
Thank You,
"BE ADEQUITE"
Lindsay Lohan
As such unfiltered, emotionally charged prose defies exegesis, we'll refrain from further deconstruction of these words, hoping that we can all follow Lohan's exhortation to find some peace by putting aside the tedium of fighting, anger, and drama and simply being adequite.
- Lohan sends her condolences to Altman's family [USA Today]
Comments
Thank god Robert Altman wasn't around to read that.
Lindsey is seriously on drugs. I mean, WTF?! I believe the searching and fearless moral inventory slogan is from AA, is it not? That's unusual, considering she's such a drunk. If not, maybe it's the Forum. Is it still called the Forum, that new-agey feel-good seminar cult? Linsey amuses me/scares me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
ho. lee. fuck.
someone, anyone, sign this girl up for a Berlitz course in English.
This is just cruel.
I like the part about her offering support to anyone in need. How fucked-up do you have to be to seek comfort and advice from Lindsay Lohan?
Thank you,
"BE LITERITE"
Everybody.
Jesus! It's Thanksgiving. Be nice. FUCK!
It's a step up from, "Scarlett is a bloody cunt. Peace and love."
Be Adequite!
That makes me happy.
LINDSAY LOHAN: STRIVING FOR ADEQUICY.
well, if courtney love was the catalyst for whitney houston to get sober, than lindsay's well on her way to becoming some kind of Deepak Chopra in the near future.
i'm sure britney read this and considers herself a geenyus.
Cocaine's a hell of a drug. It makes you type long-winded ramblings on the death of one of your pseudo-daddies that totally make sense to you at the time.
(It seems she means well, though. As she suggests, I'm totally gonna call her the next time I feel sad.)
I notice she didn't mention that the boozing, snorting and cutting was tedious.
"..He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do."
You a legend, Linzy.
Can I do ya?
I've adequite enough of LinLo.
Oh please tell me we're following up the "It's like yeah, motherfucker, I'm fine" T-shirt with "BE ADEQUITE"
"He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather I really do believe I've had in several years."
Okay, two things: I didn't know Lindsey was from the South, the only place one man can be your daddy and your granddaddy both. And, she doesn't know if he was or not? She just really believes he has been for several years? Who was her daddy/grandaddy before that? What kind of family tree does this girl have? No wonder she is confused.
"He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather"
Who knew Lindsey was from the South, the only place where your daddy and your grandaddy can be the same person.
"I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches."
$10 says Cedars for Thanksgiving.
At least she didn't have the wine knocked out of her.
I'll raise you $20 and say she stays the whole weekend.
PS- Another $20 to anyone who can explain WTF this means:
"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.
This from the girl that Altman called "Lindsay Loman" until the last day of the Prairie Home shoot, where she spent two weeks, most of it in her trailer. That "be adequate" thing comes from something Altman used to say to his actors- if they would do a scene particularly well, he would say "well, that was adequate" and everyone would chuckle at the sarcasm, because they were all kissing Bob's ass.
Yeah, I don't know. I love reading this and at the same time feel like picking on Lindsay's not exactly sport. If it's true that he was a father figure to her (even going so far in the role by trying to molest her as evidenced in the photo), well I say that's very nice. Maybe she would have learned to spell if her mom wasn't a pimp and her dad a drunken fool.
So she's no Sophia Loren, who cares?
BE ADEQUITE!
"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film..."
Does this imply she believes she is a "great"? I mean, "Freaky Friday" was pretty good, but does pretending to be a middle-aged Jamie Lee Curtis really cement you as a "great"?
Aw, as illiterate as it is, that was quit sweat-- I mean, quite sweet. She's young enough that this might be the first older person she's thought of as brilliant to die. That's a major turning point in anyone's life. Maybe she'll consider that living into your eighties doesn't mean that you had a boring life.
Wait, does it cheapen Robert Altman's death to laugh at Lindsay's utterly craptastic eulogy? No? AWESOME! I love how all of her sentences are beginnings but never. Wow, I can write like LiLo too!!! oooh!
She should have hired Britney to do some punch-up. A few y'alls would have given us a bit of context perhaps.
Thank you SleepyHead. I've never seen a more obvious: "Hey, I just did my first three lines of the 8-ball I just bought and feel like doing something nice... no, I feel like doing something that will make a difference, yeah... a difference... to show people I care...where's my razorblade?!? I'm going to cut another line, myself, then... I'm going to write an e-mail!"
You know she's cutting herself as we speak. And I can tell you, considering she is probably still awake from her Cocaine bender... she's definitely turning up that notch on sexy.
12th book? Doesn't she mean the 7th book of Moses or something?
Okay, I'll be nice. (FUCK!) The sentiment appears genuine, and is very sweet. BUT..."to of been able"? Sigh. That sentence non-construct is right up there in my top four pet peeves along with "acrossed", "right quick", and "irregardless". I'm going to drink poison now.
i was quite depressed to realise that "12st" is an abreviation of "12 step" not "twelvethst". because i would enjoy hearing someone say that.
A few more years of coke-fueled texting, and Linds will be a shoe-in for Sissy Hankshaw in the remake of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.
12st book: Not merely rotten grammar, but a reference to 12stEP book. I guess that's as much of a confession as we'll get. (Everyone knows the first step, but the later ones usually have to be learned.)
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