FUCKIN A, Dave!

Now I love him even more.

Skanky ho, don't you EVEN try to blow off Dave.

Oh Paris, don't you know that we only want to talk about things that make you cry?

Well, it makes sense that if you don't have a sense of humor you can't laugh at yourself. The thought that anyone would want to talk about her perfume or movie is hilarious!

"Somebody you met in prison?"

Oh Dave! You're pretty great.

Count the leg wags. Uncomfortable much Paris?

It's like Paris is caught in a dream where she always studies for the wrong test and the teacher shows no mercy and fails her anyway. And everyone laughs and laughs...

*

P.S. I caught this clip on this morning's Regis and Kathy, a show I have never seen before, and which I found even more disturbing than seeing Paris. And I found out from a local morning team of grown men and women talking like jr. high wannabees about Pammy getting a license to marry that dime store pimp. Morning TV watchers, I salute your fortitude and wish I could provide you with medals; I had no idea what kind of heavy fire you are under. And I haven't even ever seen the View.

Fantastic. Dave gave her a chance to say something worthwhile and she's too dumb to take advantage of the opportunity. So he pulverized her. Thank you Dave, I love you! (in a totally non-stalky way).

Dear David Letterman:

Thank you.

Love,

Everyone.

Letterman is my hero. Incredible.

This is so good, I can't even believe it! Nice work Dave. All she wants is to talk about her other stuff, and she isn't used to NOT getting what she wants... Letterman smacked her without even touching her.

And the hag apparently threw a shit-fit backstage and said she'd never do his show again. Wow. What a loss for Letterman.

She did manage to keep her legs crossed the whole time, so there's that.

My favorite part was when she was listing her fellow cast. I got the sense that she'd seen this junket maneuver done before, in which you're supposed to give a shout-out to your castmates, but she'd only learned the names of these people to cram for the Letterman appearance.

Also, Bufflekins, it's Regis and KELLY now. And I assure you, once you've adapted to the living parody that is morning show banter, it kinda grows on you.

That was so funny it reminded me of Dave's Late Night days. Hilarious.

Best. Letterman. Interview. EVER!!!!

@MisterMuggles: She did that in an attempt to suggest the piece of shit movie she's in -- the crowd started laughing when she said the name of it and you could see her wonky eye twitch -- was in some way respectable.

She's an awful human being but I think even she is beginning to understand just how deeply and universally she is loathed.

And what was with the fucking helmet hair?

@MisterMuggles: @TheQuestion: Thank you, I meant Kelly but typed Kathy...it's just she seems drunk. And only one of us can be drunk that time of day.

You can tell by Paris' responses that she feels that the prison sentence was something done to her rather then because of her. Basically she feels she is a victim, mistreated by the system.

I think thats what set Letterman off on that path for so long. Her lesson wasn't to not drink and drive, to not drive without a license, its was "it made me stronger."

I don't think she knows how lucky she was. If john q average had done what she did, we would probably still be in jail and wondering how the hell would pay off all the money problems that have piled up as a result.

I wish he was even harsher to her. I mean on his show to sell perfume? Please.

@kingdom2000: I agree. I wish he'd openly snarled at her. Love how he drank her perfume, however. But I wish he'd stood up and sprayed his crotch with it and said something like: "Interesting. It also works as a crab repellant."

@junkie: Must've been an Adderall OD. She's trying to do Princess Di hair and I just want to slap her so hard.

@Sayser: HATE the hair. Except for how horrible it makes her look, I like that about it.

@Bufflekins: Her face is also all bloated and wide these days. Love that too.

She is up here making that crap movie and apparently there have been numerous sightings of her emerging from bathrooms reeking of vomit. So she is apparently bulimic as well. And doesn't bulimia cause some facial bloat?

Anyone? Any pukers in here?

With the new short hair I can now see just how teeny tiny her head is perched atop those James Caan style tabletop square shoulders. Tiny brain, wonky eye; it's nice to know that Hollywood has embraced the concept of mainstreaming...

@Trixie from Toronto: she DOES look puffy. Bulimia rumors, eh? I guess if they are sending you cupcakes all the time...if she's snapped having a pedialyte we know you are correcto.

God Bless You, Dave. And God Bless You All, Letterman Audience.