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David Letterman
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late night
David Letterman Thinks NBC's Late Night Plans Are Just Plain Goofy
Sitting down with Rolling Stone for a rare interview, David Letterman opened up on his two-step process of alienating and courting some of his most famous guest-emies—towering pop culture figures like Madonna, Oprah, and Richard Simmons—as well as his own plans for retirement. ("I would like to go beyond [my contracted] 2010, not much beyond," he told them.) He was also asked to weigh in on the curious scheduling shift going on at his old network NBC, where top ratings-getter Jay Leno is being forcibly vacated to make room for new The Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien, and his Late Night successor, Jimmy Fallon. No one is more confused about the changes than Letterman:
More »"Unless I'm misunderstanding something, I don't know why, after the job Jay has done for them, why they would relinquish that," Letterman said, adding, "I have to believe he was not happy about it."
celebrity fitness
Superhero to Be Seth Rogen Vomits His Way to Fighting Shape
Seth Rogen adds another dimension of career versatility this week with Pineapple Express, audiences' first glimpse at his impressive action chops. As explained to David Letterman in no uncertain terms on Monday night, however, the Power Schlub — who is starting out preparations for his title role in The Green Hornet — still has a ways to go before achieving the muscular standard of his genre counterparts. For starters, we don't imagine Daniel Craig struggles as mightily with crunches as Rogen has, and even Tobey Maguire seems to have overcome the training anguish to which Rogen claims he's succumbed as unglamourously as possible. But look on the bright side, Seth: If ever Hollywood had a quick fix for a fitter, thinner you, stomach-emptying is indeed as tried-and-true a method as any. Ask anyone — and keep at it! [CBS]
Timely References
Couch Jumper Richard Simmons Stops Just Shy of Declaring Love for Katie Holmes
David Letterman's Late Night couch has become the one-stop shop for celebrity revelations these days, whether it's Mindy Kaling breaking out her trusty Apu impression or Rosie Perez mistaking her co-star for a popular follicle stimulant. Late Show mainstay Richard Simmons at first seems poised for a similar breakthrough moment as he pulls a Tom Cruise, climbing aboard Dave's couch in this clip (preserved after the jump). However, instead of shouting out his adoration for a CW starlet, the exercise guru makes an impassioned plea for...physical education. Head in hands, Simmons' long-suffering publicist put in a reassuring call to Blake Lively ("The plan is still on — I swear!") and booked a romantic do-over on the next episode of Tyra. [CBS]
india calling
Mindy Kaling's Misadventures in Ethnic Stereotypes Have 'em Rolling at 'Letterman'
Our hearts go out today to Mindy Kaling, the Office co-writer/producer/star who last night confronted the indignity of Indian-American typecasting in a wrenching appearance on Letterman. That said, to the extent we acknowledge her Emmy-nominated prime-time offerings over the last few years, we also think it best for everyone's sake that her call-center appearance in Baby Mama — complete with accent admittedly lifted from The Simpsons' Apu — found its way to history's dustbin with no more damage than it caused during last night's broadcast. We guess we can all laugh about it now, but hear the full, traumatizing story after the jump. Stay strong, Mindy. [CBS]
female pattern dumbness
Rosie Perez Has Nothing But Praise For Her 'Pineapple Express' Co-Star Seth Rogaine
A movie set can often be a busy place—so many people! Doing so many different things!—so a hardworking actress like Rosie Perez can be forgiven if she occasionally slips up on a makeup girl or AD's name. But what about, say, shitting the bed when crediting the star of her current movie, who also happens to be to the writer, on a national TV appearance? Wait—we're not done yet. Now, let's say she doesn't just mispronounce it, but replaces it entirely with a popular men's hair-restoration product. What then? We're torn, ourselves. On the one hand, Perez is just about cute enough to get away with it. On the other, did you really think his name is Seth Rogaine, Rosie? Like, really? Are we next to hear about your exciting guest arc on The Bad Mother's Handbook starring Propecia Silverstone?
we are all on drugs
David Letterman Entranced By Maggie Gyllenhaal's Tale Of A Percocet-Pushing Nurse Feelgood
Even though we’re a day late on this, Dark Knight’ s “ironic” lingerie model Maggie Gyllenhaal appeared on Letterman Wednesday night and charmed the pants right off Dave with talk of everyone's favorite celebrity topic: drugs. Speaking in her standard sweetly candid tone, Maggie told a tale of a nurse whose number we’d really like to get a hold of — seems this kooky practitioner who aided Maggie with a broken toe is more than eager to push bundles of those morphine-patches-disguised-as-"painkillers"—Percocets—on her patients. More »
Lists
Three Reasons Why We Don’t Think Mary-Kate Olsen Needs To Go ‘Back To Rehab’
The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent “collapse” outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her “lover” Heath Ledger’s sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinset’s more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyone’s most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasn’t shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosome’s differences are, and came up with three reasons why we don’t buy it. More »
The Clip Show
Swindlers, Sex Tapes And Coreys
· Things we learned at the Los Angeles Film Festival this week. School Of Rock 2 isn't a pipe dream. Guillermo del Toro isn't going to milk The Hobbit. Women deserve equal talk show hosting rights, too. Nobody wanted to make Animal House. Chris Carter is as secretive as ever. Did somebody order stake?
· The battle between the Paps and the Surfs was kinda like the Greasers versus the Socs, only with the newly blackberry-less Matthew McConaughey playing the role of Dally. But what of the rematch?
· Mini-Me showed the world his mini-me, which should help him knock down that large tax debt.
· Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's sketchball ex, got pinched for attempting to defraud God. A judge set bail at $21 million, but who's gonna take care of the dog?
· Mary Kate Olsen de-pruned herself long enough to convince Dave Letterman that her old arch enemy Spencer Pratt is, indeed, a prat.
· No one was safe as we counted down the Hollywood's Top Ten Worst Kissers.
· Wall-E manged to get fatties and Republicans up in arms without saying a word.
· Whoa, who raped the Coreys? One mystery solved, one to go.
· AC Slater found himself embroiled in Chesthairgate.
· The Emasculation of Joshua continued, as Katherine Heigl used her whipped husband as an ashtray and made him curl her hair. Joshua did not escape unscathed.
· You can ongratulate Jason Bateman on the impending Arrested Development movie, but be sure you don't bring up pregnant teens.
· We had a dream. We had an awesome dream. Mainly b/c it was filled with lesbian werewolves.
·: Noted blog-hater Patrick Goldstein entered the blogosphere. We can only guess how many of his 1,100 pageviews came from his IP address.
· Which groovy comedy superstar is openly courting other men to touch his monkey? Perhaps they should frequent the Fox and Sony lots?
· Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. We'll miss you, George.
Hollywood Wars
Mary-Kate Olsen Vs. Spencer Pratt: The Backstory Behind Their War Of Words
Right on the heels of Mary-Kate Olsen’s passive aggressive jabs at ex-classmate and David Letterman punching bag Spencer Pratt last night, the professional Hollywood sleazeball has promptly retaliated by releasing a few downright cruel and unoriginal insults to Us today. As Pratt tells the weekly:
”I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman...I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."
As the war between actual working actress Olsen and reality trash-talker Pratt heats up, we dug up evidence that this battle has a much longer history than we thought. After the jump, the sordid high-school photo scandal that sparked the Olsen vs. Pratt battle years ago.
More »
Pratt Attack
Mary-Kate Olsen Joins David Letterman In Taking Down Spencer Pratt One 'Oily' Insult At A Time
Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that she’s able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now she’s teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Dave’s couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, “kiss a really old guy.” But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldn’t have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the “wormy,” “oily” Pratt. More »
everyones a critic
David Letterman Dares to Spoil Summer With Impromptu 'Dark Knight' Review
Don't believe for a second that David Letterman really broke any studio embargoes last night to tell you he loves The Dark Knight (he's not even the first to do so), but that doesn't mean the pseudo-spoilers contained herein are likely to compel you any less. In fact, the film Letterman describes may prove to be better than the finished product Warners has so ingloriously pimped for months now, right down to Batman's protective ears and the franchise-ending climax we've been hoping for. Of course, as far as we know Heath Ledger is still in the film, so maybe it's all devastatingly true. It's not like the cast hasn't been preparing us. [CBS]
dave in a box
Charlize Theron Will Never Think To Look In David Letterman's Pants For Her Birthday Present!
All it really takes to loosen up David Letterman is a blonde (though he's been known to make exceptions) in a cleavage-enhancing dress—and bam!—the curmudgeonly late night king instantly morphs into a goofy-grinned, homeroom study partner, showering the object of his affection with a variety of softball questions and a generous selection of tinned meats. Take Charlize Theron's appearance last night, the first third of which covered how nice she looks in her dress, before segueing into the weightier topic of what she wants for her birthday. Letterman reassured the actress that he was "sending you something right now," suggesting he was stowing a Pick-Me-Up Bouquet right under his desk all along! Get it? It's his engorged penis! "Every single holiday Dave's dick in a box/Over at your parent's house Dave's dick in a box/Mid day at the grocery store Dave's dick in a box /Backstage at the CMA's Dave's dick in a box (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow)..."
man to man
Will Smith And Dave Letterman Finally Break The Sexual Tension
As nestled as Will Smith is in the so-called "Fluke Zone," where his stardom is bulletproof and his films are fail-safe, he wasn't taking any notoriety for granted last night on The Late Show. There, in a tender promotional moment for Hancock, the actor warmed to David Letterman's compliments by leaning in for a kiss that quickly escalated into a brave new world of gay, interracial sex overtures. It wasn't always this easy for Smith, of course, who over a decade ago was talked out (by Denzel Washington, no less) of his man-kiss with Anthony Michael Hall in Six Degrees of Separation; such newly open-minded gateway intimacy augurs great things for future late-night trysts sure to culminate, as all self-reinvention must, in sex with Jimmy Kimmel. [CBS]
The Classics
Dave And Teri: A Love Story
As the various, cretinous cast members of The Hills took to David Letterman's couch in recent weeks, more than a few of us were left wondering how the entertainment landscape had so quickly devolved from the days when the effortlessly charming and talented likes of Teri Garr would grace his stage—the two trading bon mots and flirting shamelessly, with Paul Shaffer providing a suitably white-funkified musical backdrop to the fizzy proceedings. They say you can't capture lightning in a bottle twice (do they say that? Or are we mixing our metaphors? Where were we? Oh right, Dave and Teri), but you also can't deny chemistry, and it was on abundant display when the two were reunited last night. They're grayer now, and slower—Dave touchingly guided Teri, who is suffering from MS, to her chair—but you can't deny the spark is still there. As Letterman stuck to his, "Did you do it with Elvis?"-line of questioning, Garr shot down the long-standing rumors that the two had once engaged in naked-pretzel antics themselves. But after the jump, we'd invite you to compare and contrast a classic pairing from 1986, in which an amorous Dave opens with, "I'd like to get a can of Windex and go to work." Suddenly, his preoccupation with Elvis makes sense, in a vicarious-thrills-seeking way. It's good to be The King. More »
short ends
· Behold: Today's unveiling of the massive Dave Beckham underwear ad on a San Francisco Macy's. If you think those bloodcurdling sounds at the beginning are bad, just wait until his Volkswagen-sized package is revealed. [YouTube]
· Speaking of which, we hear Will Smith has a similarly proportioned super-endowment in his new movie. [thelondonpaper.com]
· Robert Davis of Paste magazine and Sue Pierman of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel are about to become the laughingstock of the terrible-Mike-Myers-movie-critiquing field. [Rotten Tomatoes]
·And finally: What the fuck is Mario Lopez's problem? No—like seriously. What is up with this dude? [Just Jared]
Dave Letterman Hasn't The Faintest Clue What It Is Jane Krakowski Is Talking About
· Wow—the backdoor compliments were really flying when Jane Krakowski took Letterman's couch last night, but luckily most of them flew over the talk show host's head. [Late Show]· Behold: Today's unveiling of the massive Dave Beckham underwear ad on a San Francisco Macy's. If you think those bloodcurdling sounds at the beginning are bad, just wait until his Volkswagen-sized package is revealed. [YouTube]
· Speaking of which, we hear Will Smith has a similarly proportioned super-endowment in his new movie. [thelondonpaper.com]
· Robert Davis of Paste magazine and Sue Pierman of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel are about to become the laughingstock of the terrible-Mike-Myers-movie-critiquing field. [Rotten Tomatoes]
·And finally: What the fuck is Mario Lopez's problem? No—like seriously. What is up with this dude? [Just Jared]
missed it by that much
Shellshocked 'Letterman' Guest Steve Carell Sees Dead People
Now that we've viewed Get Smart, we feel safe and more than a little sad to report that the sluggish advance word — i.e. "staggeringly bad" — overheard a few weeks ago wasn't too far from the truth. Worse yet, the contagion appeared to have reached Late Night with David Letterman on Tuesday, when the host noted a physical resemblance between star Steve Carell and the late Don Adams, the original Maxwell Smart whom Carell momentarily claimed to have met at this week's premiere. Honest mistake, apparently — he meant to say "Adams's widow"! Shortly after correcting Carell, Letterman proposed showing a clip; the star's deadpan gives way to a look of head-shaking terror we think he actually may have meant in earnest. Or perhaps it was just our post-Smart malaise messing with us. Judge for yourself after the jump, and let's all hope Carell has a less unnerving late-night act together by the time the inevitable Get Smart 2 comes around in a couple of years. [CBS]
heroes
