Hoping to further exploit the seemingly inexhaustible demand for stories about the Denali-jacking, coke-panted, briefly-incarcerated-but- frequently-rehabbed starlets whose misadventures move as much tabloid product as the public can choke down, producer Joe Nasser—you may know him as the mastermind responsible for the upcoming Willa Ford vehicle Anna Nicole—today announces his intention to eventually bring Celebutard: The Motion Picture (inferior working title: Hollywood Brats) to the big screen. Reports the Times:

"It's all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble," Nasser said. "You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them go through trials and tribulations."

Nasser said the script will use the names of real celebrities, but he isn't saying yet whether any of those names will be Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears. "I'm not allowed to let those names out yet," he said.

So, how can Nasser base his movie on real-life celebrities without their permission? Simple, he says. "As long as we stick to the truth, we're in good shape." He said the movie will be about "real people" and based on "the public record."

Despite Nasser's frustratingly coy refusal to name the specific subjects of the film, we're confident the LAT's speculation about the film's troubled protagonists will prove accurate, and he'll soon have agents representing Dancing With the Stars-level talent like Anna Nicole's Ford clamoring for the opportunity to portray the most dramatic moments of Nicole Richie's 82 minutes in prison, or to prove that they can bawl on command just as convincingly as Paris Hilton when placed in the back of a police car after being taunted with one delicious night of house arrest.

• Producer preps film version of celebutantes' legal travails [LAT]