Defamer
In the end, there would be no baby dolls dropping from the rafters, giant Jacuzzis filled with writhing background dancers servicing a fading pop star's exhibitionistic sexual needs, or even a female albino python with which Britney Spears might share a same-sex, cross-species kiss to open last night's VMAs.
There was just Britney, looking as though a handler had narcotized her to the point where she could be convinced to put on an outfit tailored for her 2001-era body and take to the stage with only the vaguest idea of her act's choreography, telling her, "It's only three minutes, baby. Just get out there and be yourself. You don't need to 'do stuff,' you're Britney Fucking Spears, and the people love you just as you are!" Despite the overall failure of her latest comeback attempt, it wasn't completely devoid of highlights—the moment where she greedily clasped that back-up dancer's junk was a winner, demonstrating that even in the midst of a total disaster, she's retained some of the improvisational flair that once made her a must-see performer.
- 2007 Video Music Awards [MTV.com]
- Previously: Britney Spears At the VMAs: Looking Back, Looking Forward [Defamer]
Comments
Yeah, the word I used after seeing it was trainwreck. There was a point where she turned to the right to do some move and I actually winced.
The looks on the celebs watching it were priceless as well. I think they were all wondering if it was a stand in. Nope, that's Britney.
Although I like the extra padding on the backside. But I'm also a big J-Lo fan.
This was much like Beyonce's somersault down the stairs: gleefully entertaining, but ultimately tragic. Very cringe-inducing, especially when she whips her head back to reveal a double-chin.
Britney may be beyond help. I think we've entered the realm of Jackson/Liza/Liz crazy. A crazy so beautiful it burns your eyes with its unrelenting shine.
Giving America what it really wants: Britney's head (and extensions) on a silver platter a la fellow dancing girl Salome.
It's Francine Dancer, bitch.
If it wasn't for all the professional dancers surrounding Brit, I would have thought this video was shot during her third shift at Spanky's Gentlman's Club in Des Moines, IA.
Brilliant performance! They way she ironically portrays herself as an inebriated drag queen would at a karaoke night in Bumfuck, Indiana was a stroke of genius! That or quaaludes are making a comeback.
Hey, hey, MTV -- I don't like your girlfriend.
@NoWireHangers:
I agree completely, but didn't the Jackson/Liza/Liz triumvirate have a little "talent" to go with their crazy?
That being said, Liza was in full-neurosis mode whilst braying 'God Bless America' before the US Open men's final on Sunday. She was practically yanking her dead, dessicated mother out of her own ass. It was creepy.
But not "Britney Comeback" creepy.
So does the total lack of magic tricks finally confirm that Chriss Angel never helped Britney do anything but get off?
She barely danced, she barely managed to lip-synch, so was the remarkable part of her performance that she dared to appear in a bikini held together with fleshy polyester in public when she really shouldn't? Magic!
Oh Britney.
oh, britney.
@mothrafairy: The other amazing performance of the weekend - and they were both wearing black! It was like a before and after shot.
Being serious for a moment, I'm sure the congratulatory bouquets, baskets and cards are just streaming into Jeff K's office this morning. Great work on orchestrating such a terrific comeback, Jeff!
Anna Nicole lives!
@Everybody Likes Pandas: shoot. great minds and such.
Ok, now that I've watched this video for about the twentieth time, I have to say it is pretty remarkable that she does manage to hit all of her marks.
I wonder if the grips put down the X's with Cheeto's so she knew which ones were hers?
Next stop for the Britney Spears comback tour: 4 Play Gentlemen's Club.
Free lapdance included for first 10 customers.
@mothrafairy: As always Britney can only do a drunken pantomime of what the greats before her have done. I can only hope that she lasts long enough for us to watch her adopt tuxedoed chimps and marry/divorce another 7 husbands--at least 2 of which will be gay.
Hey, at least she remembered how to walk without dragging her leg.
@encinoman: That's sooo deep. You do know that it was John the Baptist's head that ended up on a platter? In most versions, she lives on like Prince Humperdinck in the Princess Bride.
My favorite part was where she covered her mouth because she couldn't keep a straight face. Girl was in on the joke, yo.
Vanessa Hudgens must be dancing for joy -- fully clothed, no doubt. The Brit-Brit trainwreck has made her little nudie photos a distant memory.
It reminded me of Pauline Kael's comments about Lucille Ball in "Mame," something about the choreographer choreographing like mad, with bodies hurtling over and around the near-stationary star. Last night, Britney died for our sins. Or something.
LMS...ahh...Francine Dancer...thought no one else remembered...the similarities are remarkable and frightening
[www.youtube.com]
@NYMinute:
I dunno. Something tells me that the Hudgens trollop was expecting to get a LOT more mileage out of those "mysteriously leaked" photos.
If she knows what's good for her, she'll be on the phone with 'Screech' right about now, intent upon scouting locations for what will become their "shockingly hijacked very very very private" sex tape.
I am very disappointed, being a huge fan of the, uh...well-executed...lip-sync...?
@Little Mintz Sunshine: @gwendemarco:
Color me stunned. That is unreal.
It had all of the loopy drugged-up stumblefootedness of Judy and the fading blonde sex symbol crazy of Marilyn, wrapped up in one chunky package.
Even the back of her head looked like s**t.
It's Britney? Bitch!
let's not forget one important fact - that song was awful!
Doesn't it suck when your big "comeback" turns into a resounding "go away?"
@astroglide:
Seriously. The track sounds like some kind of German "Let's Get Physical" or something, and yet so many people -- grown folk -- are claiming to actually enjoy it. It's a bit depressing, because it's as if people really WANT to like Britney Spears -- like they yearn for the guilty pleasure of it all. But the forced acceptance of this shitty music kind of begs the question, at what point is bad music like B.S. no longer a guilty pleasure, and just really your actual taste in music? It ain't irony -- it's the actual sorry state of American pop culture.
Ach. It least we have Fergie.
Poor thing. I always hate when someone wakes me up right before I am supposed to go on stage. But seriously, that was the most lethargic performance I have seen from anyone in ages.
I guess we really should all just be glad that she remembered to wear her underwear for the performance. Cuz she certainly forgot once the lights went down.
what? I am totally using that routine when I tryout for the Lake Washington HS pep squad next week.
@karion: I know! It's like they're twins or something!
It was hard to really hear the music over the sound of millions of adolescent boys zipping up their flys in disappointment.
It was nice to see Samantha Fox on MTV again.
@SugartitsMcFirecrotch: As we speak, young drag queens all over Middle America are scouring Salvation Army and Goodwill Stores for black bikinis.
And they won't even have to hit the gym to give a scarily accurate portrayal of new Our Lady of The Seconal Dance.
The queen is dead!! Long live Jamie Lynn!!
I love how confused she looked when she forgot to lip synch the intro. "It's Britney, bitch?" like, It IS? Oh, that's ME!
@JANINE: Guilty of mixing metaphors, yr honor. Britney=Salome, not John the Baptist (who looks scarily like Osama Bin Ladin). But it's even scarier how much people love to dig their nails into the trailer park girl.
@bodreeyard: Indeed. I suspect the choreographer had a moment of clarity and said 'Brit-Brit, let's try a new kind of dancing. A kind we'll call "walking slowly and carefully"'.
@TheStarterWife: I have to agree - I was hit with nothing so much as "mediocre stripper 2 years after she should have quit". Holy Bejeebus, how the mighty have fallen. Note to MTV: Christina and Gwen - still smokin' hawt.
I heard about this "trainwreck" from a few guys who took more than 2 minutes of my time graphically expressing their disgust. To be honest, the fact that my friends are even watching this crap at all appalles me. Isnt there an episode of Golden Girls on that is more entertaining than the VMAs? Esp with Bea Arthur's big comeback. I expect more from you people.
Start a discussion:
Login with your username and password below. Or comment on this post via email.
Forgot your username or password? New User?