Clay Aiken may not have toppled Justin Timberlake from the number one spot on the charts with yesterday's release of his new CD, but you'd hardly know it from the swarms of Claymates who showed up to his in-store signing at the Virgin Megastore in West Hollywood: The only LoveSounds these horny ladies were interested in were of the twangy, high-pitched, and exceedingly fey variety. When a nervous fanatic in her prime baby-making years approached her idol (pictured), so atwitter were her twin reproductive organs that they literally shook themselves loose and fell to the floor, sending her sheepishly scrambling to collect them before they could roll into the Jazz section.

Clay Aiken Album 'A Thousand Different Ways' Debuts at Number 2 on Billboard Album Chart With Sales Over 205,000 [RCA Records]
Pics of Clay Aiken event at Hollywood 09-26-2006 [ohnotheydidnt]

7:16 PM on Wed Sep 27 2006
By Seth
328 views
9 comments

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sarahblooms at 06:22 PM on 09/27/06
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It's totally not as cool as my puffy-painted "CHICKS FOR HICKS" tee.
IBentMyWookie at 06:41 PM on 09/27/06
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Thanks a lot, assholes.
Do you have any idea how long it took me to make that?
Romana Klay at 10:07 PM on 09/27/06
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Why is he trying to be a Paul Reubens look alike? Does he want to kill his career? Ewww.
raincoaster at 01:34 AM on 09/28/06
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I can just imagine how thrilled Aiken is to know the effect he has on her ovaries. I hope she didn't take them out and shake them for him right there, but from what I know of fandom I'd say it's 50/50.
invalid-username at 05:58 AM on 09/28/06
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Well who knew? Can anyone tell me the last 3 ways to shake ovaries? I could only come up with the obvious 997.
Panqueque at 07:39 AM on 09/28/06
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Defamer sure has been testing the limits of my sexual imagination... first I have to picture Dustin "Screech" Diamond HAVING SEX with someone. Then he's having sex with two someones. Then he's drawing a poop mustache on one of them with his huge donkey penis. (*stifles bile*) Then I have to imagine Clay Aiken is sexually attractive to straight (?) females. Then I have to imagine him so arousing that he shakes some girl's ovaries (which then conjures some actual images of ovaries-- thanks a lot TLC). Now he's shaking them a thousand ways. How's he shaking them? In his hands? Are they shaking themselves in time to his pelvic thrusts? I don't know, but... god. (*stifles bile*)
Norma Desmond at 08:25 AM on 09/28/06
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I have two big problems with this. Both are somewhat logistical.

One, the idea of Clay Aiken actually touching a woman. Two, the idea that Clay could somehow shake a woman's ovaries WITHOUT touching the woman.

So I guess I'm not getting how this is going to happen. Can someone explain? If my ovaries are missing out on something good, I want to know about it.
Little Mintz Sunshine at 12:01 PM on 09/28/06
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Connectedness Index: 195

I'm so ashamed to even have ovaries after seeing this
Spence at 12:57 PM on 09/28/06
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I want to know whether Clay's ovaries were shaken as well...