But her WHOLE LIFE is an...aw, nevermind.

I say she's gone over to ZsaZsa's house to root around for some wigs (hey, everybody gets her and Eva mixed up) and get sperminated by that geriatric boytoy.

What exactly has Laura Wasser had to do with this since she was present at the momentous "intervention"?

Dammit, I wasn't event thinking of making that joke and now you've gone and put that song in my head.

Who are the enablers who keep breaking her out? Where's Paris in all of this?

I'm pretty sure if you threw some graphics at where she's been and what she's been doing in the past few weeks and set it all to The Benny Hill theme Extra could strike ratings platinum.

Does she even bring a change of clothes with her? Perhaps it could be a hint to the Rehab Staff that she leaves the car running as she's checking in.

Sadly, it looks like it will take an arrest or an OD to break this cycle.

What I want to know is why hasn't Federline filed a motion seeking emergency custody of those kids? I think I'd rather see them raised by Howard K. Stern at this point.

This is why the terrorists hate us.

Honestly, I'm starting to think that perhaps Spears is one of the sane ones. If she doesn't want to go to freakin' rehab, she has every right to bolt. It's better than wasting money, a bed, and enduring some "hot-stone" therapist's attempt to push their screenplay or "original song" during treatment for thirty days.

The press has been nibbling like piranha at this chick for more than two years running, and she hasn't done anything career-related in that time. Anyone would be a little scorched, and I don't believe that this pop tart was given any notable life/coping skills from her "ever-so-concerned-family."

Moreover, I don't buy that "weeping mother" shit. In showbiz, mothers are to be burned at the stake like the vile witches they are.

Britney Spears, get out of Los Angeles for six months and spend some time in the mountains. Milk a cow. Pet a goat. Feed some chickens. With that bald pate you have myriad disguise options at your fingertips. You also have plenty of friggin' money.

She's ready for her clown makeup, Mr. DeMille.

Maybe our girl still believes in time travel and to her it's already 45 days later.

OMG, does this mean her new album is going to be delayed?

EvilMinion: I agree. I am extremely surprised that some kind of legal action hasn't happened by Federline's attorneys. These past few days have been like a fairy-tale for someone trying to prove that Britney is unfit to take care of her children. The only thing missing is the Fairy God-Mother physically handing the children to K-Fed along with the ID numbers and passcodes to Britney's Swiss bank accounts.

But I think any threat against custody would send Britney over the edge at this point.

Has there ever been a more glorious time to be a chronicler of celebrity gossip? Anna Nicole, Britney, Lohan, even that Tom Brady/Bridget Moynahan story -- the hits just keep on coming! These are your halcyon days, Defamer!

But I think any threat against custody would send Britney over the edge at this point.

CBS was reporting that's why this is happening, that K-Fed told her he was going to have her hair tested to prove substance abuse and get the kids. Of course, that's just a rumor (and too serious a topic for here, probably).

She's a young mom who was WAY famous at too young an age, and now everything she does is micro-analyzed by the entire world. Most young moms get to screw up a few things and only their family and close friends know about it. So yeah, she deserves a break, and getting away from town (and hopefully to a supportive home, not necessarily rehab - just friends who will help her unconditionally) would be great for her.

Meanwhile, $50 says she checks into rehab again before March 1.

I think the next logical step for Spears is to star in a David Lynch film about her life with a midget playing both children, and a Tiajuana tranny drug dealer as her arch nemesis.

Just wonderin': If a parent is going publicly batshit, don't state authorities have to do something, like, drop by and make sure the little ones still have hair, aren't smeared in dog poop and all that? Hmm....

I'd also like to remind everyone to keep an eye on Ms. Abdul, who must be thinking she's home free now. Sit your ass down, girl. I said sit!

Commit me, baby, one more time.

(Okay, it's within the letter of the law, but I apologize anyway.)

Tiger: I think I read somewhere that the Social Services report-a-crappy-parent hotline was ringing off the hook with people complaining about Britney Spears.

I hate to say it, but I wish she'd just die and get it over with. Then we can have a nice big ceremonial bonfire to cremate her and Anna Nicole, and then f--ing get on with our lives in peace.

I hate agreeing with Colin Ferguson about absolutely anything, but I have to admit: It's not funny anymore.

Can we see that video of people throwing stuff at Paris Hilton again? That, I can get behind.

Howizit that once again, All K-Fed has to do is sit on his ass and reap the benefits?

Art Vandalay, welcome your newest disciple.

You know Tom Cruise is thinking..."Couch jumping doesn't seem so crazy now, does it, Xenu haters?"

This story is much more enjoyable if the theme to The Legend of Billie Jean is running thru your head. You'll thank me.

One day, I will tell my children stories about this week in celeb history. And their eyes will shine and widen with wonder in the same way mine did when my mother told me the mythical tale of fat, dead Elvis on the toilet.

The whole "young mother under a lens" excuse is such BS and I'm so tired of hearing it. Two of my sisters were both married with one/two kids by the time they were 25 (I think they thought we were Mormon or something...). I can not remember the last time I saw either of my sisters out at a club BECAUSE NEW MOM'S CAN NOT GO CLUBBING!!! There are certain things you have to give up once you have children. Drugs and alcohol are some of those things. If the bitch couldn't handle having kids, they make these little pills and patches that take care of that.

Oh, and KFed can't take custody b/c terms of child support/alimony would have to be worked out before he can hire his retinue of nannies to actually take care of the kids. I don't think the man has his own child friendly quarters, so I'm going to assume he is waiting to swoop in for the big paycheck and the kids that come with it.

And this coverage of Britney on ALL media outlets is starting to make my head spin. I hate that I just spent 5 minutes more thinking about it.

What effect does all of this have on Jamie Lynn's career?

So true, Tootie, so true. Or when Claudine Longet shot Spider Sabich to death -- remember that? I am a-twitter with the memories ...

Samuel L. Jackson should think about chaining Britney to his radiator.

Please, Lord, don't let this gifted artist be stolen from my generation at such an early age. Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain... I don't want to be sitting around twenty years from now saying "what if she had lived. Imagine the music we've lost."

None of the "young moms" I know live in mansions worth millions and have their picture taken every time they pick their nose, either. ;) She stayed home and did the cheeto/beer mom thing, now she wants to go out clubbing. Why couldn't she just blog like everyone else?

Where's her best friend Paris during all of this?

I'm looking forward to the gossip where they take her babies away. I love happy news.

She is so Whitney.

she warned us she wasn't that innocent

Am I the only one who wants to find this girl, bring her and those babies home to Nowhereville, and lock her in a room until her world returns to its axis? Jeeze laweeze!

And Trixie? A Claudine Longet referrence? How awesome are you?!

I loved her. Who could forget that powerful turn in The Party, and then the way Andy Williams so touchingly stood by her after she gunned down Spider?

Well, Anna Nicole's aggressively decaying corpse and Prince Harry's upcoming stint as RPG fodder have all but relegated poor Britney's antics to the bottom of the news pile. I guess it's time for Ms. Spears to cut off her right ear and send it to Matt Drudge in tear-stained Altoid tin.

I am willing to take Bit-Bit under my wing, dry her as out, keep her hydrated and drive her ass to any of the bazillion "-a-non" meetings going on in Minnesota at any given time of day.
No one would even notice her here- I got dragged to Mall of America and I was shocked at the large number of bald, tattooed chicks with tummmy pooches sticking out that looked like they were on their last nerve..
It was meant to be- I was meant to save this girl.

I don't find any of this funny. I was 19 when I had my kid. (Although, now that he is 15, I tell people I had him when I was 8.) I didn't party. I didn't cry all the time. I got my ass to college and grad school. I raised my kid, and I did it without any goddamn money.
So fuck her.

Oh, remember when K-Fed got dumped by text message? Booed offstage at Halloween WeHo?

C'mon K-Fed just kneel three more times and run out the clock, then you can pass on the kids and take the money...

Britney, do you like apples?

If anyone read Anthony Keidis's book, you know two rehab breakouts is nothing. Her book is gonna be gold, ya'll.

i'll grant you that, laguna.

but a "stint" usually entails something other than rehab attendants choking on exhaust fumes as you pull a donut in the clinic parking lot.

Growing up, lots of kids went to summer camp. Some liked sleepaway camp. Others preferred day camp. Clearly, Britney is just a day camper.

@kmoorej: Well - she is America's favorite trailer trash pin-up.

@Defamer: I thought the always tasteful rose etched on the tit was the ultimate in trash tatt perfection. Dolphins are soooo 1983...*G* That and she'll probably go for the dagger through the heart 'MOM' artfully arranged over her babypooper.

@Trixie from Toronto: I so much loved the "Claudine Longet Memorial Ski Tournament" on SNL [when it was actually funny]!
Remember all the skiers she accidentally offed? "Oops, Claudine Longet Has Accidentally Shot Another Skier"
Or the weaselly apology that was read the next week after her mouthpiece complained?

As for Brit-Brit, dead by the Fourth of July!

Oh Greasy -- those really were the good old days!!

dear britney,

i've emerged from my hideout to tell you this.
listen up.

bitch, please! you know what you are doing, and its so not funny anymore. you're not fooling me especially. i know crazy! i got a stockpile of crazy in the hall closet. but you my dear need to cut the bullshit. you are acting like an asshole and we're all lapping it up, and we aren't laughing w/ you nor at you, we are concerned that we're going to have to hear about your goddamn funeral and hours long retrospective on the respective morning shows, radio shows and E! which will no doubt give you weeks of coverage and exclusive funeral play by play as well as MTV reverting to videos to honor your posthumously.

do you think that's fair to us?

its not, i'm over you! so now you know one less persons cares that much less about you...just dont go DYING on us. at least get your rocks off a little bit more and then switch it up.

and get started on that dummies guide to fucking up your comeback in 8 weeks or less.

you're a champ!

love,
kween of everything

Mark/Seth: I believe the more appropriate song for use in bad news titling is "(You Drive Me) Crazy".

Did anyone read Britney's publicist statement that she had just suffered a 'personal tragedy' and that's why she did this? What's that all about? The Enquirer seems to think it was that Justin and K-Fed were making fun of her. Which is pretty fucking hilarious if it's true...

This is sign #45,028 of the Apocalyse, right? Has anyone sketched the route from Tarzana to Sherman Oaks tattoo parlor to Promises Malibu on a big map of L.A. yet? I can only assume it would draw a big wicked-looking occult symbol.

Oh,Trixie. I never missed the Andy Williams show when I was a wee gehl, and thought Claudine was THE most awesome chick ever. Ah, to be a kid again in the 60's...sweet youth. Your comment put me in the way back machine, and I thank you for the ride.

Too bad Brit never had a chance to ride a bike, play King of the Hill on a dirt pile, climb a tree, play wiffle ball and just be a kid. Maybe she wouldn't be hanging on by her toenails now. Damn, I had it pretty good.

I'm not sure the Necronomicon has this particular situation in mind, but I will do my best to find some roots for the current free-ranging meme.