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brian atene

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Vh1's Biggest Celebreality Star Desperately Seeks Manager, Pooper Scooper

While you might not recognize the name Tiffany Pollard, anyone who has followed Vh1's Celebreality franchises over the last three years certainly knows the name New York. After getting rebuffed by Flavor Flav on the first two installments of the gloriously trashy Flavor Of Love series, she became one of cable television's biggest stars when the premiere episode of I Love New York became the most-watched series premiere in the network's history. Now, having proved to be one of reality television's most resilient stars (along with Real World / Road Rules vets like Mark Long and Coral Smith), Tiffany "New York" Pollard is now attempting to be the first person since Real World: London's Jacinda Barrett to make the successful leap to silver screen stardom on her newest show, New York Goes To Hollywood. In the show's first episode, New York learns that, just like any other aspiring actor or actress, she needs to get herself a manager before she has the opportunity to show what she can do on the casting couch. Sadly, the monologue she delivered for a room full of low-level talent scouts — the kind that would have trouble scoring a table for 4 at the In-N-Out Burger — made Brian Atene look like Stanislavski's most prized pupil. Her poorly performed (yet hilariously overacted) riff on dog shit and public transportation awaits you after the jump.

youtube deathmatches

Brian Atene Vs. Leave Britney Alone Guy


For reasons that are completely beyond our comprehension, someone decided to dip the trainwreck-defending, histrionic-famewhore chocolate of Leave Britney Alone Guy in Kubrickian castoff Brian Atene's artistically untainted, batshit-monologist peanut butter, producing the above video mash-up delivered to our inbox as this sleepy Monday winds down. More »

comebacks

Brokeback Brian


Yesterday, a reader threw a good scare into us by pointing out that YouTube superstar Brian Atene, whose too-infrequent video dispatches are the only real Art being produced in the industry today, had yanked all of his previous clips but one, leading us to believe that the gifted, possibly insane monologist might be headed towards a tragically early retirement. More »

clips

Atene Unfettered


We'll warn you in advance: This latest transmission from batshit-genius YouTube monologist Brian Atene is for connoisseurs only, a tour de force of dramatic subtlety featuring none of the cheap, mind-melting fireworks that have marked his recent efforts. Sure, he might be getting a little precious and self-referential in this installment, but after all the joy he's given us, we won't begrudge him 53 seconds for himself. More »

brian atene

Brian Atene Strikes Back


We recommend that you immediately clear the next ten or so minutes of your schedule, for Kubrick-auditioning, extreme-overacting internet sensation Brian Atene has once again creatively spread-eagled himself on the YouTubes, unselfconsciously sharing his exposed Art with us all. We foolishly believed that it would be impossible to top his Planet of the Apes-themed holiday wish for the destruction of all humans, but his latest effort, a nearly nine-minute, improvised monologue evoking exactly what it would have felt like to be on the set of The Empire Strikes Back, represents a new, utterly exhilarating achievement in the craft of crazy.
We'll see you on the other side, after you're changed forever. More »

brian atene

The Return Of Brian Atene, Part II: Christmas Wishes From Beneath The Planet Of The Apes


When last we saw Brian Atene, the internet's best-loved, rejected Full Metal Jacket open-auditioner, he had suddenly resurfaced within the YouTubes to prove to the world that the twenty-plus years that had passed since the recording of his inspired try-out tape had done little to blunt his unhinged flair for the dramatic. Atene has returned once again, this time to offer a cheery, Beneath the Planet of the Apes-inspired holiday wish for the eradication of mankind, an ecumenical season's greeting that applies whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. As we are wont to say upon the presentation of a video clip: Enjoy. Also: Death to all humans. More »

brian atene

The Return Of Brian Atene (We Swear)


We know we've claimed in the past to have relocated Brian Atene, who was launched into the highest strata of YouTube cult hero worship thanks to his now legendary 1984 Stanley Kubrick video audition tape. That follow-up video was, of course, a weak parody of the original that barely did justice to the real man's unhinged genius. We apologize. To make it up to you, we bring you seven-and-a-half minutes of pure, high-grade Atene, at 43 a far cry from the 20-year-old boy we knew, but still spry, still fit, and, apparently, still steadfastly refusing to take the recommended dose of his medication. Yes, he's aware people are now watching. Yes, he's trying too hard. But, frankly, we were too emotional to care. Welcome back, Brian. You're gold when you're a kid, man, but you're still gold to us. More »

brian atene

Over 20 Years Later, Brian Atene Is Still Holding On To A Dream


Self-professed Juilliard-trained thespian and Star Trek aficionado Brian Atene has developed a massive and rabid following since exploding on the scene with our recent posting of his 1984 videotaped audition for director Stanley Kubrick. And while a global effort to relocate the current YouTube It boy and dramatic savant has until now turned up nothing better than his 1976 seventh grade class photo, we are thrilled to announce that Mr. Atene himself has opted to reemerge into the public eye with yet another YouTube tour-de-force performance. The current Brian looks somewhat older, girthier, and has the face of a completely different person with a great idea for his fanciful video response, but he nonetheless exhibits a masterly control over his unique acting instrument. More »

brian atene

Please, Stanley Kubrick Has Cast Weirder


In 1984, or so the YouTube blurb legend goes, the late, great Stanley Kubrick "placed ads throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to send in audition tapes" for his upcoming project, Full Metal Jacket. Whether or not the director ever saw this submission—and we think the less we tell you about it the better—we cannot say. It does make one wonder, however, how things might have turned out differently had Kubrick plucked Brian Atene from obscurity and groomed his budding protégé to star in later films like Eyes Wide Shut, as opposed to having caved to the Hollywood system and cast certain "big, high-powered actors" who would ultimately "have their way with him." Perhaps he would still be with us today, hard at work on his virtuosic, Brechtian remake of The Outsiders. More »