Defamer
As of today, CAA has relocated to its intimidating new Century City headquarters (pictured above; we've Photoshopped out the ominously swirling, lightning-belching hellcloud the firm's partners had installed in the sky directly above the structure to remind the entire city of where the seat of industry evil is located, because we don't want to scare the children), finally forsaking the lesser agency chop-shops that clot Beverly Hills. And just one day into CAA's tenancy, longtime residents of the once-sleepy community are already watching their quaint little neighborhood be overrun by the pushy, Armani-attired hordes who will soon control The CC; we pass along the lament of one anonymous, dispirited local that was shared with us:
I'd like to tell you all about my experience at the Century City Mall today.I went to have lunch with a friend, excited for a fish taco or two. Upon entering the food court I suddenly found myself unable to speak freely about... Well.. Anything. Everywhere you look there is another anxious bulky CAA agent in a three piece suit. Kevin Huvane walked in with a pack of eager wannabees and literally held a conference by the sushi counter before leading the charge to Panda Express. It was a nightmare. My once innocent Century City hideaway has now been taken over!
Indeed, it's all unfolding exactly as we pictured it back in June; those who once enjoyed the mall's food court should just concede CAA's culinary Anschluss and save themselves a lot of pain. In the end, Kevin Huvane and company will strategically dominate all the best tables by the Panda Express (or the sushi joint, or that Brazilian place, should a Bryan Lourd feel kicky and demand churrascaria), even if it means assigning an around-the-clock detail of assistants to permanent seat-saving duty and polluting the dining area air with the constant chatter of calls being remotely rolled from their newest agency outpost.
Comments
I wondered why there was that new place in the food court serving plump juicy infants.
Lawyers, move downtown while the office rent's still cheap. Better selection of after-work bars (what's in CC? Houston's?) and no agents for literally miles.
I.M. Pei: R.I.P.
I work for a law firm in CC. The mall may not be overrun by the agents forever. The food court in between the towers and the new CAA fortress is supposed to open any day now. At least GOD I hope so.
There will be a meeting of the WeHateAgentsParticularlyCAA Coalition. Currently known as WHAPCAA,(think of the sound of hitting a baby's bottom open handed) it's our mission to get tables at Gulfstream, service at Bloomie's and to insure the safety of the stroller set that frequents Century City Mall during Happy Hour.
We have concerns about the Agents moving in.
We are concerned about their ability to walk over the backs of upright people. Scary but true.
For you safety:
Please avoid the Apple store between 2:15pm and 2:45pm its our understanding that CAA allows that time for secretly sending anon emails to various sites, blogs and numbered newspaper columns to further push their dubious agenda without the stank of the obvious email trail.
We have real concern for the jr high school set that hangs out at the Apple Store, parents please be aware, as Hollywood shuns new borns, Agents have been known to seek older less colicky teens, please note the obvious.
Further as you walk the Ave of the Stars, be aware that you are being watched for any possible money making capabilities, in the past, present or future, contracts be damned. Some have disappeared, starbucks left behind.
Our operatives have also uncovered a single room on the fifth floor of the Century Plaza that held equipment believed to belong to the Agents across the way. Said equipment has been sent to the lab for the curious filmy residue to be analyzed. The room of course faces CAA. We shall say no more on that at this time.
and oh this just in that nice little farmer's market on Thursdays just off the Ave is over.
WHAPCAA
I used to work their in less glorious times. What do I miss more than the dirty Arby's, overpriced Harry's Bar and middle-aged business men sweating in the big window at the gym?
Why, it's the strippers riding the escalator to their day job at the "gentlemen's club" wearing a smug smile comfortable with the knowledge that they were going to make more cash in one afternoon dancing for some jerk than you did in a whole month of answering phones...for that same jerk.
OMG. I meant "there".
So how long is it going to be before Ari Emanuel takes over the new CCA offices ala Hitler invading Poland?
Seriously, I drove by there the other day, seeing the new....edifice, a monument to all agent-kind, sitting, basking in the cold air, just as cold as the agents and lawyers that look forward to working there everyday....
Is it any wonder Hell is freezing over?
The hole in the center of the building is truly representational of the holes in the hearts of these hard-working, baby-eating agents.
Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for Ari Emanuel: that of a giant Slor!
For the love of god, just let us have Houston's.
Many agents and clients knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I tell you!
Salute, Schvitzatura!
And just what sneeking, conniving powerbroker ready to destroy the entire city will be playing the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man?
I am old enough to easily remember when working in Century City was so uncool to Hollywoodites as to make it so uncoool for anyone from any record company to drive all.that.way. Once there, they'd all exclaim, "WHERE AM I?" and then laugh that smirking music industry laugh they do right before they realize you have a nicer view in CC and make more money than they do. Then they'd just leave.
Once CBS relocated to CC, it was all over by then, the deed was done, CC was discovered and they took the giant "FOR RENT" signs draped all across the sides of the two towers down.
It's all true. The CC Office tower I was located in had available space on all floors, there were open parking lots that were barely occupied all day long and right across the street, the entire place was anathema to the then-cool people who couldn't handle the then-fresher air and then-new buildings in CC. Funny how things change.
Julia Frey: Last night I was home channel surfing and came upon one of my favorite movies of all time: Into The Night. It was released in 1985, starring Jeff Goldblum and Michelle Pfeiffer and was shot entirely on location in LA, showing off the '84 Olympics-period LA in all her glory.
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