JacobFreeze commented on Hey Rex Reed, Hope You're Happy!

"What's not to like about a movie with a wedding ring impersonating an erection and sushi served à la vagina?"

JacobFreeze commented on We Are Through The Looking Glass, People

"When gas is $87 per gallon, and the rest of us are living under bridges, LieLow will still be flickin' her Ronson in an Escalade, so... What?"

JacobFreeze commented on Can This Man (and His Millions) Save The Dying Genre Of Documentary Film?

"Leonsis calls it "filmanthropy," which is the philm version of filanthropoppy."

JacobFreeze commented on Tim Russert's Departing Words On Joe Scarborough

"Is it possible that the bosses at MSNBC are trying to promote "radical vegetarianism" by elevating Joe Scarborough?"

JacobFreeze commented on Kathy Griffin Orders A Lauren Conrad Hit On National TV

""Ronnie Wood - who is drinking two bottles of vodka a day..." Is that two of those little bottles they serve on airplanes?"

JacobFreeze commented on How Do You Say ... Ah Yes ... Buy My Perfume

""You make fun of me?"

JacobFreeze commented on Tom Rothman Miraculously Avoids Humiliating Fox, Himself in TV Hosting Gig

"Tom Rothman should host a dose of Tidy Bowl while he swirls in the Cosmic Toilet."

JacobFreeze commented on The Defamer Guide To The Whole Madonna / A-Rod / Lenny Kravitz Situation

"Madge wins, because all the laws of the Universe demand that Madge always wins, and A-Rod is just a silly puppet of the Tzimtzum!"

JacobFreeze commented on Hey, I'm In The New Lindsay Lohan Movie, Too

""Is my cell phone in this hand or the other hand?""

JacobFreeze commented on John Mayer Having A Hard Time Deciding Whether The Cameras or 'Clingy' Jennifer Aniston Is More Important

"Prediction: Jen will sing a bathetic "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" at her upcoming 40th when John Mayer walks in with Heidi Montag."

JacobFreeze commented on Mary-Kate Olsen Vs. Spencer Pratt: The Backstory Behind Their War Of Words

"I just renamed my TV "Spencer Pratt" and beat it to death with a hammer."

JacobFreeze commented on 'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle

"What this project really needs is a big black "hum bar" in the middle of the screen."

JacobFreeze commented on Lindsay Lohan Wonders If Samantha Is Her 'Mr. Big'

"This romance has been flying under the radar ever since Sam Ronson had a song "Built this Way" on the soundtrack of Mean Girls..."

JacobFreeze commented on Richard Dreyfuss IS Richard Cheney

"Stone should cast a turnip as Cheney, and run his lines through a primitive vocoder."

JacobFreeze commented on Ralph Nader Magically Makes Bush/Cheney Disappear

"Nader is polling over 5% with Zogby, which would put him in the Presidential debates with McCain and whoever. I hope he wears a bathrobe, and flips lima beans at the other candidates with a spoon."

JacobFreeze commented on Hardball is exhilarating right

"We Washington insiders (Harharhar!) don't need no stinking TV to tell us what's going on, and it isn't about the color, it's about the hair."

JacobFreeze commented on Sumner Redstone Apparently Finds Right Price to Forgive 'Good Friend' Tom Cruise

"Redstone's last genius idea was Katie Couric on the Evening News, and now... Katie and Tom, together in MI4!!! Who says a superspy can't be perky?"

JacobFreeze commented on A Fitting Eulogy To Deborah Jeane Palfrey

"Apparently Laura Bush is on Palfrey's client list, under her Secret Service code name: Lesbian Heehaw Humdinger."