Jimmy Fallon popped by Late Night to address yesterday's news that he would be taking over for host Conan O'Brien in 2009, an announcement greeted with wide-eyed, Christmas Eve wonder by the three TV executives who hired him, and, "Wait—that annoying dude from those DJ sketches on Saturday Night Live?" from everyone else.

In the name of science, we've hooked ourselves up to a series of vital-sign monitors, and, as a team of white coats monitors our progress through this Fallon anecdote about proposing to his wife, we'll update you on our progress:

14 seconds: Slight increase in heart rate, pupil dilation. Shortness of breath. Why can't this guy sit still?
27 seconds: Dry mouth. Palpitations. Pulse up to 112 bpms. Carotid artery bulging. Put your goddamn hands down and just finish the story.
1 minute 15 seconds: Profuse sweating. Head the color of a purple cabbage. Face spread back as if subjected to a NASA 20-G Centrifuge Machine.
2 minutes 8 seconds : Loses consciousness at first mention of "Barry Gibb."

Late Night with Conan O'Brien [NBC]

12:10 PM on Tue May 13 2008
By Seth
5,314 views
25 comments

Comments

Fama Est at 12:27 PM on 05/13/08
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"Now that you've got that part of your life squared-away." Ya, that's one way to put it.
Benovite at 12:27 PM on 05/13/08
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"Maybe we should have gone with Chris Kattan..."
[www.chriskattan.net]
JudgeFudge at 12:34 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 50

First of all, this guy must have the slickets, most Jedi-mind-trick proficient agent in Hollywood. Second of all, in regards to proposing to his wief, weren't there several rumors, on several occasions of Fallon being gay?
CourageousCoward at 12:35 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 62

"Conan, I cannot WAIT to get Paris Hilton on the show and ask her 'Now that I'm a big TV star, do you think I'll be able to spend a night in the Paris Hilton?' Just thinking about it makes me giggle!"
RocketRockit at 12:38 PM on 05/13/08
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I think Jimmy Fallon is a nice guy. I think that he probably spends a good portion of his time wondering how the fuck he even got to be even remotely famous. He can't keep a straight face. He can't hold an audience. It's like a weird cosmic joke.

However, none of this matters to me, because I've never watched late night. I like sleep. Godspeed, Fallon.
thatgirlinnewyork at 12:42 PM on 05/13/08
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"yesterday's news" describes fallon to a T. i elect him as one of the most underwhelming products of that smug kanuck, michaels. the 13-year olds who find jimmy amusing, however, won't be allowed to stay up that late on weeknights.
phantomoftheopry at 01:01 PM on 05/13/08
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This is the best news Craig Ferguson ever got.
xint at 01:02 PM on 05/13/08
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I really want to see Jimmy Fallon do good on this show, but he just don't got talent. On SNL he's awesome, but a late night talk show host?

Please, Jimmy prove me wrong!
NoWireHangers at 01:09 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 91

Look at him squirm. It's like they shoved a vibrator up his ass and he started talking.
Trixie from Toronto at 01:10 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 708

I kind of love him and "Fever Pitch" is the only romantic comedy I have been able to stand in the past 10 years. I hang my head in shame as I confess this.
Beresford at 01:15 PM on 05/13/08
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NBC needs to give their camera operators a bonus for keeping Fallon in the frame.

They've gotta get Jimmy some L-Dopa before he takes over the show.
pureblarney at 01:21 PM on 05/13/08
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At her summer home? Oh, lord.
BigBoobsMagee at 01:26 PM on 05/13/08
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This is going to be worse than when Tom Green had a late night show....way worse and with more akward pauses, if thats even possible.
Desk_hack at 01:57 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 112

@NoWireHangers: & @Beresford: I used to think he was just adorably nervous. Now I wonder if the drug rumors are true.
NoWireHangers at 02:06 PM on 05/13/08
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Connectedness Index: 91

@Desk_hack: I could see caffeine pills. You put some lines in front of Jimmy, he laughs and there goes $60.
saltwater at 02:45 PM on 05/13/08
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He's about as engaging and watchable as a 6-year-old with whooping cough. All of his knee-jerk attempts at 'humor' are flat and basic. Did I hear a 'speedo' joke? Wow...
kylo4 at 02:59 PM on 05/13/08
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This guy is going to fail badly at replacing Conan. He can't even sit still, he'll freak the guests out.
Oldboy at 03:41 PM on 05/13/08
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@kylo4: What, you've never watched Conan interview people? He's too often spastic and overbearing with his guests. He's a wonderful joke writer, but he'll need to tone it down for the Tonight Show.
rtisovec at 03:55 PM on 05/13/08
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I wonder if old episodes of "Thincke of the Night" are available on YouTube, because if so, I think they'll rate higher than anything Fallon is on.
StevieRayHalen at 09:55 PM on 05/13/08
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don't worry all...
Leno will NOT leave as scheduled.
Conan will stay put.

and Jimmy can go back to his bong and Xbox360 and Grand Theft Auto IV...
boobaloob at 11:20 PM on 05/13/08
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@StevieRayHalen: Please tell me you're joking about Leno not leaving. I greatly dislike that chin freak. Do not want.
boobaloob at 11:21 PM on 05/13/08
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Also, Fallon blows, but I love Ferguson, so it's all good.
lesbiansayswhat at 01:01 AM on 05/14/08
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Connectedness Index: 143

The only funny part of that interview is when Conan chimed in with his Belgian dessert hair. Bad sign Jimmy, he gave you so many chances. And summer home??

Can we get a pool together to bet on how many times in the first week he does a Barry Gibb impression?
Lala11_7 at 06:59 AM on 05/14/08
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@NoWireHangers: HEY...that made me kinda hot...
DrAftershave at 11:52 PM on 05/18/08
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NBC paying Conan 42 million for backing out of the deal will be peanuts compared to how much advertising dollars will go out the window once jimmy boy takes over.