Defamer
Baby showers tend to be happy, innocuous gatherings dabbled with smiley supportive friends, gushing family members and the occasional guest who clearly doesn't want to be there. But when Juno Lynn Spears throws a big ol' baby party down in sweet home Louisiana, party guests also include armed guards and security detail. Why? Well, big sis Britney came to town, bringing her best pair of booty shorts and that memorable messy blonde bun from her barefoot bathroom escapade days along. The rest of the guest list, including which family member was noticeably missing, after the jump.
While thirty guests were reported to have been invited, the paparazzi which "circled around the house and also in helicopters" were not. But, as we know by now, anywhere Britney goes, helicopters and police will follow. And although father and Britney's official off-site prison guard Jamie Spears was present, People doesn't mention matriarch Lynne Spears among the small group of ladies-only invitees. We can only assume The Package and the grandmother-to-be are going through yet another one of their messy patches.
[Photo credits: Splash, X17]
Comments
I spy a Wal-Mart bag!
It's OK, Brit. When I visit my hick hometown, it's my first stop, too.
I spy wicker! It's OK Brit, Pier One is my first stop in the Bayou too.
@heidiho: Yes, and the tee shirt in the Walmart bag says, "my sister is a big f'ing superstar in the whole f'ing world and all I got is this tee shirt"!
Yet, even wearing an ankle-length, halter muumuu, Britney is at risk of flashing her crotch at the baby shower.
Hike 'em up, Brit. You don't want Jamie Lynn getting all the attention.
@MartyPants: And the cigarette is extra classy. "My babies love secondhand smoke, y'all."
The most important thing to take away from all of this is that white platform flip flops are never okay.
Uh, yeah - the article does mention that Lynne was there:
"Jamie Lynn opened every gift," says a source, adding that mom Lynne and fiancé Casey Aldridge's mother lent a hand."
Molly, Molly, Molly - you need better fact checking or to clean your monitor, girl.
@heidiho: Especially as there isn't an ashtray in sight and this doesn't appear to concern her in the least.
Her clothes actually match, y'all!
I'm just happy for small miracles with this girl.
@SugartitsMcFirecrotch: That doesn't prove Lynn was there.
If this is anything like the last redneck baby shower I attended, that loot was quickly loaded into a waiting pickup to be opened later ("it's good etiquette") while the guests were induced to focus on other things like "What's in your purse?" scavenger hunts and "How well do you know the 18-year-old mother-to-be?" as her dearest friends and family held barely whispered kitchen debates on
a) whose baby is it, really,
b) the heart-tugging story of how the Mama Redneck put her foot down and simply wouldn't allow an abortion, and
c) how long after the birth it would take the child bride to slim down so she could "look real beautiful on her wedding day."
Bonus: There was a brief loud fight between future-mother-in-law and aunt of the pregnant girl (as they blocked my access to the Costco sheetcake) about in whose basement the young couple would actually be residing. Said argument ended with a kind of tear-choked, "I guess we'll just have to wait and see who they choose to live with."
I wish I could say I was making this up. This is a mere glimpse of how I spent last Saturday afternoon. (This was before they brought out the Jell-O shots and the guys came bellowing back from watching the Kentucky Derby on Dwayne's big screen.)
And, yes. I do live in Virginia.
Is that Britney climbing into a private jet with a WalMart bag? That does indeed top Jamie Lynn paying her Applebee's check with a black amex. You can take the hillbilly out of Louisiana...
Yeah, I'd give that backside an 'F' too. F for Flabby, Failing Fanny.
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