Time Magazine's 100 most influential people of 2008 have been chosen, and as if on cue, Miley Cyrus gets the wide-eyes-and-wonder treatment from none other than Donny Osmond. But this isn't just another convenient thematic tie-in of wholesome media figures — no! Written before the whole Vanity Fair photo flap, Osmond's blurb is easily the most uncannily prescient piece of writing since Paddy Chayefsky sat down to pen Network:

Within three to five years, Miley will have to face adulthood. Fans grow up, and their youthful interests quickly dissolve. Her challenge will be overcoming the Hannah Montana stereotype. Miley's fans are not thinking about the fact that she will grow up too. As she does, she'll want to change her image, and that change will be met with adversity. It's next to impossible to fight, embrace, use or love your image. Trust me. I've seen this all play out before; it's the same ball game, just different players in a different time.

But Miley has an amazing support team. She seems to have good Christian values, with parents (including dad Billy Ray) teaching her important life lessons. She has management that has seen this phenomenon through before—Jim Morey's company—Jim managed me during my Puppy Love days. I hope Miley enjoys every minute of this brief experience before her inevitable reinvention takes place. It's going to make a fascinating book someday. I'll read it.

You see? "Puppy Love" is the obvious Osmond analogue to "Teenagers fuck," as we declaimed yesterday in waving off the Miley controversy, and Nostradonny's glimpse into his crystal ball saw this reality coming a mile away. Disingenuous apologies aside, Jim Morey's careful management of Cyrus's "inevitable reinvention" is off to a dynamite start, and we, too, look forward to reading her ghostwritten memoir sooner than later — particularly Chapter Eight, simply titled "Annie" and already promised as an excerpt to Vanity Fair in 2010.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Time 100: Miley Cyrus [Time]

11:25 AM on Wed Apr 30 2008
By STV
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9 comments

Comments

icallthebigonebitey at 11:41 AM on 04/30/08
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'good Christian values' are seldom good and rarely Christian. discuss.
Benovite at 11:56 AM on 04/30/08
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"good Christian values" = 2 abortions by 18, 3 DUI's by 21 and a minimum of 1 year imprisonment for drugs, which of course would result in a 6 month rehab stint.
DexterRiley at 12:01 PM on 04/30/08
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@icallthebigonebitey:
Don't you get tired of that same old wheeze? I'm not even Christian, and I know that's crap. And if you substituted "Christian" with any other moniker or label or tag, every liberal on this post would shag your ass for bigotry.
But it's cool to knock the "square" Christians, right?
nitney at 12:02 PM on 04/30/08
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And we care what Donny thinks because???
icallthebigonebitey at 01:07 PM on 04/30/08
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@DexterRiley:

Mom, is that you??
psych101 at 01:30 PM on 04/30/08
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@DexterRiley: I think you missed the point of the original comment.
moondawg9 at 04:18 PM on 04/30/08
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Teenagers are like art in a museum . . .

You can observe and appreciate their beauty from afar, but you can NOT touch and you MOST DEFINITELY can NOT take them HOME with you.

That being said, one of Hollywood's little secrets is that most 15 year old actresses are dating some 30 year old guy. When you don't see a teen starlet linked to ANOTHER teen star, it is usually because the media can't reveal who they are ACTUALLY dating.

Funny thing is this -

The starlet will usually be suspected of being a lesbian, since she isn't linked to anyone in the public eye.

HA-HA!
raincoaster at 02:17 AM on 05/01/08
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Connectedness Index: 337

In all seriousness, it's always the ones who are a little bit country who go bad. Look at Marie! If she had been just a little more rock 'n roll things would have turned out very differently!
Turtles at 10:26 AM on 05/05/08
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Miley is a beautiful "Child"....a child! As a child, her parents are responsible. They allowed her to pose in the pictures, and now she is the one having to appolize for the photos. She has enough going for her that she shouldn't even have to pose in such a way. No one should. I am a Christian, and I don't belive in posing that way no matter how old you are. God has more in store for us, and the photos are not necessary. I have read people saying that Christians are bad. Well, we do make our mistakes. We are still human. But, please, don't catagorize us in the light that we uphold teens having sex and abortions. More and more churces are being scrutinized. There seems to be a problem in every religion. But, it's not everyone. The devil is attacking churches. Please know we all are not involved in the abortions, child molestations, etc. When I was Miley's age, I didn't have such a thought in mind, and my mom would not have even taken me in that direction. It's a sign that we all need to take responsibility as parents, and stop letting the pressure of money and such get in our ways. We can be rich without the money. No child should be put in that situation. Miley has a chance to go in many directions. Let's pray she choses the right path with her parents involed.