We've survived our share of bad movies at film festivals, but nothing quite scrapes the all-time low of Towelhead, the directorial debut of American Beauty/Six Feet Under creator Alan Ball. Upon our viewing of the film (then titled Nothing is Private) at last year's Toronto Film Festival, our disdain for Ball's facile mishmash of pedophilia, racism and "edgy" suburban angst provoked us to level a bounty on the filmmaker's pin head — a bounty we'd like to double after viewing the new trailer. Laugh! at the lukewarm tampon gags. Gasp! at Aaron Eckhart's predatory one-liners. Cry! at Toni Collette's decreasing selectivity. This is but a fleck of the steaming horseshit we expect will bury Warner Independent Pictures in its post-New Line fight for life with corporate cousin Picturehouse, but we still think it merits your suggestions for creative, affordable means of cosmic revenge we might exact in the months ahead.

Towelhead [Warner Independent]

11:10 AM on Mon Apr 28 2008
By STV
2,513 views
16 comments

Comments

TurdBlossom at 11:30 AM on 04/28/08
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Really? Trailer didn't seem that horrible to me and I'd heard about this movie last September. I must confess I'm tempted to go see it (although I may regret it)
PaisleyPajamas at 11:38 AM on 04/28/08
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Connectedness Index: 241

Weeeell, I might be an indie film ho, 'cause I would see this for Toni Collette alone, but add in "Olivier" from Six Feet Under as the dad, and I will be seeing this opening day.

[www.imdb.com]
Mark Graham at 11:43 AM on 04/28/08
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Geez, does the whole film take place in the tampon aisle?
Benovite at 11:46 AM on 04/28/08
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Looks like Persepolis 2.
clevername at 12:01 PM on 04/28/08
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I cannot express to you just how much I fucking hate this movie. If you get the ankles, I'll get the wrists, STV.
Mswhiskers at 12:32 PM on 04/28/08
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I think it looks great! I love the trailer & can't wait to see this movie. Thanks for the heads up!
PaisleyPajamas at 12:34 PM on 04/28/08
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Connectedness Index: 241

@clevername: Can you elaborate? Seriously, I need another film that makes me want to shove forks in my eye sockets like LiLo needs another freckle on her ass.

I really don't want to mess up my Alan Ball worship--I could just pretend this one never happened...la-la-la.
metroville at 12:40 PM on 04/28/08
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That trailer is as discomfiting to behold as what's become of the quality of the comments on this website.
MCU at 01:09 PM on 04/28/08
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@metroville: Word.

But yeah. As to what's "wrong" with this movie, the list is long and extensive. Six Feet Under may've been created by Alan Ball, but it was steered by a very talented team of writers and directors. As for American Beauty, I suspect there's a shrinking number of people who think it actually holds up over time.

With Nothing Is Private, Mr. Ball is out there on his own, and it shows. The movie is repugnant (really the most accurate word for it) and not for the reasons it might hope to be, but because it is in fact clumsy and facile with respect to the issues of racism, sexism, abuse, and pedophilia that it hopes to treat so intelligently. What should've been a brilliant cast to watch ends up being a painful assortment of actors cast adrift. The film looks and plays like an over-sexualized afterschool special.

The name switch (back to the title of the novel) suggests desperation on the distribution end as they've realized stirring controversy is the only hope of any sort of box office returns.

What does it say about a film when everything it tries to do has been done better on, oh, King Of The Hill?
EuroDad at 01:16 PM on 04/28/08
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perhaps the part played by the young girl could have been better cast w/ Miley Cyrus...
ewabeachbum at 03:59 PM on 04/28/08
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The novel was uncomfortable and clumsy, and I'm sorry to see it turned into film. The only reason I can see anyone being drawn to the story is for shock value alone; it read like a giant mad lib of CNN's most-viewed headlines.
woolfman at 06:35 PM on 04/28/08
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@MCU:
I didn't think American Beauty held up over the time it took to watch it. I'm a big fan of 6FU, but AB was a piece of crap.
stvspl at 09:26 PM on 04/28/08
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Along this lines:
did anyone see Todd Solondz's film "Happiness"? I honestly can't wait to see Towelhead despite the mixed reviews... and I'm wondering if it's a content thing.
judithvansteppes at 11:37 PM on 04/28/08
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@Benovite:

Because clearly a story about a brown, American girl whose father is from Lebanon is identical to that of an Iranian girl growing up 20 years before on the opposite side of the world.
Somewhere in France Marjane Satrapi wants to punch you.
STV at 06:27 AM on 04/29/08
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@clevername: Ankles? Wrists? Just give me a shovel; I can take care of the rest.
Benovite at 09:48 AM on 04/29/08
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@judithvansteppes: Um.. Looks like Persepolis 2?