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Your 'Idol' Minute: Seacrest, All Alone On The Pavement

The American Idol Karaokedome threatened to topple in on itself last night when the six remaining competitors tackled the songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber—the musical equivalent of glucose-fortified pancake syrup, next to which the typical Idol pablum starts looking and sounding like a GWAR concert.

Presuming you possess something approaching a life—a luxury we've relinquished a long time ago—and missed the telecast, master Defamer videologist Molly McAleer has compressed the proceedings into one easy-to-digest, mind-altering capsule of MDMA-like bliss. Join Ryan "Captain Trips" Seacrest, won't you, on this journey of Webberesque discovery, meeting the Phantom of the Archuleta and the Rum Tum Castro along the way. But never fail to heed Grizzled-Paula the Incomprensible Glamour Judge's warning to "never start and stop," lest you wind up like Brooke White, humiliated before an audience of millions as you fumble for that elusive word that rhymes with "Argentina."

American Idol

2:40 PM on Wed Apr 23 2008
By Seth
2,395 views
15 comments

Comments

NoWireHangers at 03:26 PM on 04/23/08
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Connectedness Index: 91

That teeny tiny clip of David "flavor saver" Cook singing "Music of the Night" may have been the most disgusting thing I've seen today. He's totally creepy. Part of it's the facial hair, and the rest of it is some elusive "rocker" sleaze. But not Brett Michaels style sleaze. Some other kind of sleaze.
CapnCalamity at 03:42 PM on 04/23/08
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I was DEVASTASTED when I watched this episode. I expect bloody carnage as these songs--cheesy as they are--steamrolled over kids who couldn't sing them.

Alas, it was just BORING...and even greater offense than singing "Memory" by choice.
Leviticus_71 at 03:53 PM on 04/23/08
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I had a hard time believing that Idol could skew even further from the hetero audience, but last night proved me wrong! In other news I suddenly have extensive knowledge of interior decorating.
TurdBlossom at 03:56 PM on 04/23/08
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@NoWireHangers: I think it's that he's got the same eyes as one of those Troll dolls (the ones with the hair)
mr hotpants at 04:31 PM on 04/23/08
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What fresh hell is in store for us next week? The sounds of Anne Murray?
jasonelias at 04:37 PM on 04/23/08
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@mr hotpants: I wish...
Seth at 04:42 PM on 04/23/08
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Connectedness Index: 131

@mr hotpants: Neil Diamond!
NoWireHangers at 05:00 PM on 04/23/08
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Connectedness Index: 91

@Seth: I can already hear David "Troll Hair" Cook snarling "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon"
Old No.7 at 06:07 PM on 04/23/08
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@mr hotpants: @jasonelias: @Seth:
Try: Barry Manilow.
I will now go jam pencils through my eardrums.
Old No.7 at 06:26 PM on 04/23/08
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@mr hotpants: @jasonelias: @Seth:
I stand corrected. The MetroMidget just announced it's Neil. Song sung blue, indeed.
jasonelias at 08:45 PM on 04/23/08
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@Old No.7: Neil Diamond, oh no...
Whiteboyfunfark at 11:06 PM on 04/23/08
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Sideshow Bob Jason should be picketed by PETA after that performance, and surely by now Ryan knows better than to steal sips from Paula's glass... I'm holding out for "AI sings the Yoko Ono Songbook" week myself.
flippin at 08:06 AM on 04/24/08
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I laughed! I cried! It was better than Cats!
bigswingdaddy at 08:58 AM on 04/24/08
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@flippin: I'm going to see it again and again...
Evanessence at 04:24 PM on 04/24/08
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Does this mean that IDOL is REALLY "now and forever"?? Damn you Cats!