The last time we were allowed a brief glimpse into the mysterious lives of Tom Cruise's "other" kids, the news wasn't pretty. Harvey Levin and his TMZ minions were pointing out their awkward adolescence and homelessness, even going as far as to making a crack about their "frizzy" hair. But following in his defiant father's footsteps, 13-year old Connor Cruise is fighting back against all those media meanies by reportedly scoring a plum role in the upcoming Will Smith vehicle, Seven Pounds. And as happy as we are that Connor finally realized playing soccer while surrounded by paparazzi wasn't likely to turn into a full-time career, we're somewhat suspicious of Tom's claims that Connor scored the part of potential Scientologist/Cruise buddy Smith "all on his own"...

According to People, Connor went through the audition process just like every other nobody pounding the kid star pavement and, lo and behold, won the part of playing a young Will Smith in the film. We hate to play the cynical card here, but there is one giant elephant in that casting room. Seven Pounds also stars he of the firmest buttocks in the land, Woody Harrelson, and internet TV star Rosario Dawson. So how did Connor, a kid whose acting experience has thus far been limited to pretending he loves his kooky dad, nail the part? Something tells us Cruise's all-powerful wizardly ways as gifted to him by the late King Hubbard, may include the ability to whisper evil nothings in Will's ear, leading to an instantaneous confirmation that Connor is The One. Call it a conspiracy theory, but we're just pondering out loud (well, pondering silently at our laptops, but you catch our drift).

• CONNOR CRUISE IS MAKING HIS BIG SCREEN DEBUT [People]