funny games, american idol, clips, fox, reality tv

Sadistic 'Idol' Elimination Techniques Fail To Break Spirit Of Littlest Karaoke Soldier David Archuleta

The task of turning five seconds' worth of compelling television—the announcement of the latest American Idol oustee—into an hour of Nielsen-trampling entertainment isn't an easy one. And yet they always seem up to the challenge, employing a wide variety of systematic dehumanization techniques to keep singers on their toes and viewers locked in until the very last moment. Take last night's episode, in which trembling, shaved-koala contestant David Archuleta was made to sit backstage for two full commercial breaks as his brothers and sisters stood in huddled groups on the stage. One was safe, the other at risk of being loaded onto Idol-branded freight trains and transported to a karaoke death camp somewhere in the San Fernando Valley.

And yet, even when staring down the barrel of a loaded microphone, he refused to capitulate to Ryan Seacrest's sadistic mind games, staging an heroic protest sit-in that instantly called to mind similar triumphs of the human spirit throughout history, from Tiananmen Square to the legendary Big Brother 5 slop strike.

American Idol

3:15 PM on Thu Apr 17 2008
By Seth
3,313 views
7 comments

Comments

Sweet Panda Love at 03:59 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 253

He's not ill-tempered enough to be a koala. He's more like a shaved mangabey.

And also, didn't Shrek pull that same stunt in a previous season? I'm ashamed I even know that little about this hideous heaping mound of shit show.
bonniegrrl at 04:02 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*

Does this mean they're all singing protest songs next week?
Readsforaliving at 05:26 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*

@bonniegrrl: I'm betting it depends on whether or not Archie already has a protest song worked up in his repetoire.
CapnCalamity at 05:30 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*

No, next week is ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER week.

Seriously. Set your tivos. Because when you google search "train+wreck" you get stills (from the future) of David Archuleta singing "Don't Cry For Me Argentina."
Glass_Family at 05:57 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*

Wow, it's just like Tiananmen Square.
dattexas at 11:16 PM on 04/17/08
Reply by Email
*

Ah, you ingrates! Don't you know genius when you see it? Um, well, maybe you do...

I don't care, I just want to pinch Archie's cheeks - and David Cook's everything.
Whiteboyfunfark at 01:15 AM on 04/19/08
Reply by Email
*

Unwise of David not to take the bait--until that post-puberty growth spurt kicks in he's the only one connected with the show Ryan can beat up. Okay maybe.