slim fast, scientology, tom cruise, celebrity diets, gawker, katie holmes, top, valkyrie...

Tom Cruise Wants Katie Holmes To Find New, Non Spice Girl Friends

Tom Cruise isn't having the best month. First, a bunch of hooligans slapped his laughy face on some ultra-strong pot and called it Tom Cruise Purple. Then, the feel-good movie of 2008, Valkyrie, got pushed back (making it the feel-good movie of 2009). And now, Victoria Beckham has usurped a bit of his domestic control and transformed Katie Holmes into a fellow stick figurine. And Tom's April blues have reached a breaking point:

"[Tom] is keen to put some distance between his actress wife and Victoria, who have morphed into each other...it concerns Tom that Katie has lost so much weight recently."

Rumors surfaced a few weeks ago that Katie and Posh are fond of splitting meals together, or ordering one tiny entree and cutting the whole thing in half (even the soda). But apparently all this dieting is turning Katie from fit to scary skinny. And Tom, in true form, isn't happy. Frankly, we wouldn't be either if our significant other was following this freaky food regiment: "She is following Victoria's strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria's fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny." Frozen grapes and seaweed shakes? We would imagine this diet, aside from shrinking Katie's waist size, would wreak havoc on those rare once-a-month occasions when Tom insists she kiss him on the lips.

POSH AND KATIE ACT IS WEARING THIN ON TOM CRUISE [Daily Mail]
TOM WORRIES AS KATIE FALLS FOR PEER PRESSURE [MSNBC]

11:50 AM on Mon Apr 14 2008
By Molly Friedman
14,751 views
28 comments

Comments

CourageousCoward at 12:10 PM on 04/14/08
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Don't be glib. He's done the research! (Here take some of these vitamins.)
EuroDad at 12:20 PM on 04/14/08
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sadly, this means having a menage-a-trois w/ Katie & Posh would really be like sleeping with one normal (albeit still very skinny) woman...
icallthebigonebitey at 12:20 PM on 04/14/08
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Maybe fellow thetan-destroyer Kirstie Alley can help? There will be no "meal splitting" if she gets involved. Meal STEALING, yes. Meal sharing, no.
spanktastic at 12:24 PM on 04/14/08
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Tom needs some platform shoes. It must be painful to be so tiny. Can Scientology fix the pain?
Benovite at 12:25 PM on 04/14/08
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Not only is she skinny, her fashion sense is shot.
niterunner at 12:28 PM on 04/14/08
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Well no wonder Posh is splitting meals...900 calories a day..what a cow! I easily get by on 400. Air popped corn, a mint leaf, and a diet coke is all one needs to get by.
CourageousCoward at 12:29 PM on 04/14/08
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@niterunner: I believe the "Supermodel Diet" has one subsisting exclusively on Cocaine and cigarettes.
pureblarney at 12:31 PM on 04/14/08
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The Tomatron says there's only allowed to be one robot in the family.
Juancho at 12:44 PM on 04/14/08
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I applaud the Becks on this one. See what happens when you try to suck them into your little cult?
DexterRiley at 12:52 PM on 04/14/08
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How long before Second-in-Command Tom declares, "Enough!" and levitates over to Team Juno?

Yeah, they can fix her.
TootieFields at 01:01 PM on 04/14/08
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Can't Tom just get some of his cousin's sperm to impregnate her again? That would probably fatten her up a little.
Mr. Ice at 01:07 PM on 04/14/08
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Becoming BFFs with Britney Spears might help reverse the weight loss.
Juancho at 01:09 PM on 04/14/08
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@TootieFields: Ah yes, the famed Mapother bloat.
Sweet Panda Love at 01:27 PM on 04/14/08
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Isn't anorexia usually a way of exerting control over your own life when you have extremely controlling parents? Or barring the parents, controlling celebrity beard husbands?
crackbabyjesus at 01:44 PM on 04/14/08
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It would appear he is a rather lousy Operating Thetan. If he could really manipulate space and time, wouldn't he make himself taller? Or Kate fatter? I'd have fun with it if I was him: fat Katie one day, skinny Katie the next: women love mystery, Tommy!
RonMwangaguhunga at 01:48 PM on 04/14/08
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From the 3AM Girls, July 2007: "'Midway through the party, previously cool Will, his wife Jada, Tom and Katie called Posh and Becks on to a platform and gave them a truly cringey LA welcome.

"Then Muhammad Ali star Will blurted: 'The wife instructed me to talk short. So I would like to say I love the dress baby, it's a hot dress. And Tom said to me the most important decision you'll ever make in your life is the groups you choose to be a part of.

"'He said that when you choose your wife you're choosing a life, and when you choose your friends you are choosing your life.'"
Barbarella at 01:51 PM on 04/14/08
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@spanktastic: Um, he's already wearing them believe it or not.
Omelas at 01:55 PM on 04/14/08
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So Tom's surprised that his wife is easy prey for a charismatic crazy and a dangerous fad?
Decebal at 02:15 PM on 04/14/08
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900 calorie a day diet for Posh? What a freaking fairy tale!!!! More like 90 calories a day.
CourageousCoward at 02:45 PM on 04/14/08
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@crackbabyjesus: AWESOME video interview with Jason Beghe regarding what a scam he thinks it is!

+ Watch video
Benovite at 03:03 PM on 04/14/08
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It would be cute if Tom and Posh hit it off and dumped the WBA player. ^_^
EuroDad at 05:19 PM on 04/14/08
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@Benovite:

i was thinking it would be cute if Posh & Katie hit it off and dumped the SAG player :p
StevieRayHalen at 06:22 PM on 04/14/08
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Katie's thoughts...

*Boy, Posh and Becks have such a cute little boy...so adorable in his big boy suit...oh shit that's Tom. ... God i'm fucking starved...*
VoxPopuli at 07:22 PM on 04/14/08
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But if he wants to be her lover, he's gotta get with her friends. Oh wait, that's right ... he doesn't. Never mind then.
fishwife at 04:37 AM on 04/15/08
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Maybe she could just make everyone happy and eat Tom?
spanktastic at 08:37 AM on 04/15/08
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Tastes just like chicken.
Benovite at 08:58 AM on 04/15/08
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@EuroDad: I could see that.
FlangeSqueal at 04:57 PM on 04/15/08
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Teeny Tom wanted into Beck's kit and didn't realize that Skeevy Spice was such a lez and would complicate matters. Now Tom realizes that the $ciento thing isn't going to go over and is losing Stepford Holmes to Skeev - and it calling it all off. It IS refreshing to see photographers NOT subscribing to the James Caan rule - shoot tiny men from waist-level looking up...or place subject on ramp to boost height when posing with larger subjects. Tom is a little dyslexic shrimpington!