Dear Paul Thomas Anderson,

You know we love you. We've seen everything you've done multiple times, once even all in the same day. Our hearts soared when Daniel Day-Lewis credited your "mad, beautiful head" for his Oscar triumph this year; his appreciation spoke for us as well. Sure, we have issues with Magnolia (OK, we hate it), but at least when the DVD came around we were able to make a little more sense of your passion and indulgence. That behind-the-scenes doc by Mark Rance? Fantastic. We'd have preferred the commentaries like those in Boogie Nights and Sydney (a/k/a Hard Eight), but hey. If you're going to charge us for two discs, you'd better make the second one worth our dime.

Which gets us to this new two-disc "collector's edition" of There Will Be Blood, which Paramount Vantage released April 8. Pardon us, but what the fuck is this?

We're sitting here with our favorite film of 2007, looking for your commentary. Nothing. We bust out the second disc. Photo clippings from your research? Three deleted scenes — only one of which features, you know, editing? And, finally, an exhumed silent short about the history of oil drilling? Really? $30 for two discs and all we get is a public-domain two-reeler from 1923?

Look, PTA, we know it's probably not your fault. There's probably a commentary sitting on some hard drive in Vantage boss John Lesher's office waiting for the precise moment when "collectors" will be ready to part ways with another $30 to hear it. There's probably behind-the-scenes footage with Scott Rudin arriving on location in Marfa, Texas, overdressed and throwing a BlackBerry at the assistant whose weather forecast turned out 15 degrees cooler than the actual temperature. We know there are interviews with you, Day-Lewis, Paul Dano and Ciaran Hinds floating around. We know because it's you, and we expect great things. Not... this.

So get with the fucking program already, PTA, and stop jerking us around with the most stingy, shabby, half-assed miscarriage of DVD justice since Mulholland Drive. You're not that pirate George Lucas, and we're not "collectors"; we're fans — true believers and dedicated followers who deserve better. And you're a candid visionary, so tell Paramount to fuck off and send us the real DVD already, for Christ's sake.

— Love, Defamer

3:10 PM on Fri Apr 11 2008
By STV
15,334 views
31 comments

Comments

guitarsnob at 03:27 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Defamer,
This is all fine and well stated, but - and this is slightly (okay, totally) off topic - what's up with the stars next to certain commenter's names? I live in LA so I can play the status game. If this is something I should be aspiring to, please let me know!
Thanks,
Me.
LoveHandles at 03:59 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Thanks for warning me. Now I will wait to buy this.
bess marvin, girl... at 04:03 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 288

there will be regrets
mwynn13 at 04:03 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

@guitarsnob: The star system is just like High School for adults. You know that "Next time you see a comment that's brilliant and illuminating,..." blah, blah, blah, that now shows up towards the top of the Gawker Media blog pages? The one you probably skim right past?

When a commenter gets 25 "followers", they get the star. I wasn't popular in grade school, I wasn't popular in High School, I'm not popular here either. Sigh.
Doug at 05:06 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Commentary likely will not happen. There was an interview with PTA a while back where he mentioned that people in 'the biz' are shying away from commentaries because things said lightheartedly or in jest in them have a way of spreading out and taken as straight fact/opinion.
Plankton420 at 05:09 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Um... I actually love ""Magnolia," minor faults and all. (Thanks for letting me know to wait for the NEXT version of the "There Will Be Blood" DVD to come out, though... Appreciated!)
Little Mintz Sunshine at 05:09 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 195

@mwynn13: When a commenter gets 25 "followers", they get the star.

Hold on a second. I was always told it was "When a commenter gives 25 blowjobs" they get a star...Damn...I've got to get my hearing checked...
guitarsnob at 05:17 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

@Little Mintz Sunshine: now THERE's something I could work towards.
omnomnomnom at 05:57 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

P.T. Anderson hasn't done a commentary track since Boogie Nights - the reasons being a) he decided he doesn't like revealing the process, and b) people were quoting him out of context and making it sound like he said something he didn't. As for the lack of extras on the supplementary disc, P.T. Anderson commissioned Austin Lynch to do a "making-of" documentary similar to one that was done for Magnolia, but killed it because Anderson thought the documentary was too "revealing" - (i.e. it reduced the movie down to bunch of people standing around in the desert).
el smrtmnky at 06:05 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

@Little Mintz Sunshine: cumulative or, like, in a week?
jew-jew at 06:26 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

I fucking love Magnolia.
WasatchMan at 06:37 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Thanks for the warning. I love this movie, too. But we will have to wait for the studio (or someone) to pull their heads out of their a$$es.
Glass_Family at 08:16 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

@omnomnomnom: I had read that fans were actually quoting PTA's commentary back to him, which freaked him out. Or thought I had read that. Also, I could have sworn there was supposedly SOME behind the scenes stuff on the second disc... shit. I just bought it. But only for $17...

Oh, and full disclosure... Magnolia might be my favorite movie ever.
Omelas at 09:05 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

@Defamer: Amen.
Grosse-Point-Break at 11:07 PM on 04/11/08
Reply by Email
*

Man, this article would have been a lot more useful on Tuesday when I bought the damn thing. At least the eco-friendly cardboard case was nifty.
STV at 04:49 AM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

@omnomnomnom: Obviously PTA's entitled to do whatever he wants, but his aversions don't excuse him from signing off on the two-disc edition. It simply never should have been released.

@Grosse-Point-Break: Our thoughts exactly!
hitchenaride at 09:15 AM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

Oh screw commentary tracks! I'm uninterested in how many lozenges they had to cram down Dano's throat to make him stop sounding like the pimpley faced teen from The Simpsons
dechire at 09:27 AM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

/signed

where is the commentary, "i learned everything i know about the art of making films from listening to the commentary" isn't this what you said PTA? Where is the HD version of this film?
juniperjenny at 10:16 AM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

I want to hear an audio track of Daniel Day Lewis already in character for the next film he's prepping for. And the guy who got fired before Paul Dano took the role.
moondawg9 at 03:52 PM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

Here is the "lost" commentary track -

"Okay, Mr. Anderson, start from the beginning."

"Well, in the beginning the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they all got too big and fat, and so they died and turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and bought Mercedes-Benzes. Then Joel Coen and Ethan Coen win a freakin' Academy Award! It was horrible."
Trai_Dep at 11:08 PM on 04/12/08
Reply by Email
*

@Little Mintz Sunshine:
(Regretfully wiping my chin clean)
Damn. Damn! Guess I should have listened more carefully as well.
Oh well - fewer raw eggs in tomorrow's protein shake!
LoveHandles at 09:42 AM on 04/13/08
Reply by Email
*

@omnomnomnom: @STV: agreed
bitfactory at 06:13 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

The best thing about Magnolia is the Aimee Mann soundtrack.
CourageousCoward at 08:43 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

Remember when you bought a VHS and just watched the friggin' movie? Who the eff A. has time to sit around watching the director et al. pontificate, B. cares?

Seriously people, just watch the movie and shut up. Distilling everything down; picking it apart; searching for meaning and motivation. You're taking away all the magic that makes it an enjoyable experience in the first place.
Bogart Shwadchuck at 09:14 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

The Joy of Waiting for Blu-Ray
monkeyrotica at 09:30 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

There Will Be a Blu-Ray Version.

So STFU already.
monkeyrotica at 09:31 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

The best thing about Magnolia was Frank "T.J." Mackie.

And the frog rains.
mitchel_stevens at 10:21 AM on 04/14/08
Reply by Email
*

i thought resident evil and alien vs predator were over-rated.
clarknhilldale at 12:32 AM on 04/15/08
Reply by Email
*

Well, at least Paramount decided to fuck the fans upfront, with the 2-disc version--as opposed to the Zodiac DVDs. That was the one-two punch of a crappy single-disc version, followed by an extra-filled 2-disc set in the chaepest of cheap-ass packaging.
rosserfan at 09:23 PM on 04/15/08
Reply by Email
*

"Mulholland Drive" on DVD without extras is still 100 times better than any crappy bloated 2-disc 'special edition' trash available at Wal-mart.
Sasquatch at 11:42 AM on 05/07/08
Reply by Email
*

@dechire: Agreed. Few movies make me pay the extra money for the Blu-Ray versions. This movie will be one of the few I pony up the extra money for.

Thanks for the heads up about the crappy DVD. I'll wait for the Blu-Ray.