Paris Hilton Wants to Give Us Bunions Just Like Hers

Every girl wants to look like Paris Hilton. Well, probably not, but she certainly thinks they do. The - what are we calling her these days? Actress? Singer? Socialite? - is now also the "designer" of her own hideous line of shoes. With names like "Fierce" and "Hamptons," the shoes are just another step in Hilton's devious master plan to turn women everywhere into her. This comes not long after Paris launched her own line of hair extensions, DreamCatcher. It remains unclear who told the heiress that her own fake hair looked good, let alone encouraged her to sell a cheaper version to the public. As Tina Fey said of Hilton's week at the SNL studio back in 2006, "You would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle." Certainly a ringing endorsement for her line!

But now we have the shoes. Paris is famous for her monstrous size 11 feet (which eerily resemble those of the skeletons that hang in biology classrooms), often revealing grotesque bunions from her ill-fitting shoes. And if her feet look like shit in $500 shoes, we can only imagine the foot pain induced by the $80 knock-offs she supposedly came up with.

So what's the next design innovation from Miss Hilton? She's already given the world the opportunity to copy her two least attractive body parts. We can only assume bras are next.

[Photo Credit: Rex]

Paris Hilton launches shoe line.... and models them with her own terrifying size 11s [Daily Mail]

5:50 PM on Tue Apr 8 2008
By Paula Dixon
2,715 views
15 comments

Comments

pureblarney at 06:25 PM on 04/08/08
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That thing is a bunion? I thought it was just a gnarly blister. Jesus.
jerseyjeff at 06:58 PM on 04/08/08
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Tina Fey and the rest of the talentless hacks at SNL should shut it, even as it concerns this mutant. They are just so busy being Lorne Michaels worthless whores on the cultural and political scene. Enough already. You make Paris look respectable by comparison. Serious.
IBentMyWookie at 07:27 PM on 04/08/08
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Connectedness Index: 378

@jerseyjeff: Oh Elliott Mintz, that is not a good colour on you.
yvonnjanae at 07:50 PM on 04/08/08
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Is there a Paris Hilton "ignore" button for Defamer? Seriously, every Website should have one.
BigBoobsMagee at 08:00 PM on 04/08/08
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I will have terrible terrible nightmares about those feet. Thanks.
hughman at 08:06 PM on 04/08/08
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Connectedness Index: 58

you can get bigger sizes in similar styles at Fredrick's of Hollywood. or, uh, so someone told me.
PaisleyPajamas at 08:44 PM on 04/08/08
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Connectedness Index: 241

She's had her nose done 3 times and she can't find the time to have that bunion surgically corrected?
UnklStinky at 10:56 PM on 04/08/08
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A millimeter bigger and that bunion will officially qualify for "sixth toe" status.
Snarky1 at 11:33 PM on 04/08/08
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Oh. My. Sweet. Gentle. Jesus.

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

*vomits, then faints*
Snarky1 at 11:40 PM on 04/08/08
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Wha....what just happened?

"...Paris' shoe launch attracted hundreds of people, as they lined up on a Ste-Catherine Street sidewalk for as long as seven hours to meet the infamous heiress."

*vomits again, faints again*
Benovite at 08:22 AM on 04/09/08
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I just threw up in my mouth a litt.e
Oh and also
Shumina at 09:25 AM on 04/09/08
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"...what are we calling her these days? Actress? Singer? Socialite..."

Yeast-infected-cunt-bubble.

Why? Were we supposed to call her something else as the years until she fatally O.D.s drag slowly by?
RocketRockit at 10:01 AM on 04/09/08
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I knew that Fey called her a piece of sh*t or something, I did not know about this Fraggle comparison. That alone seals my liking of Fey. Anyone who uses Fraggles as a cultural counterpoint is a-ok in my book.
c-dice at 10:17 AM on 04/09/08
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coming soon to a ross near you...
Whiteboyfunfark at 01:03 PM on 04/09/08
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@PaisleyPajamas: First things first-she's obviously (hopefully?) still trying to get the nose to look halfway decent. When she joins Michael Jackson in the nasal-free celebrity club then she'll start on the bunion.