the day after, mary parent, release date shuffle, tom cruise, ua, gawker, mgm, top, valkyrie

Tom Cruise's Career In Flames As 'Valkyrie' Melts Down

Yesterday, the troubled Tom Cruise/Nazi vehicle Valkyrie got pushed back — for a second time — from October to February 2009. MGM is painting the film's new release date as a golden holiday-weekend opportunity for the $90-million-plus historical drama, but it goes without saying this is beyond bullshit; no amount of spin from any of MGM boss Mary Parent's necktied monkeys can reclaim whatever traction Valkyrie might have had once upon a time. Its Cruise/Bryan Singer pedigree took its first hit when it was pushed back from summer '08 to fall ("Better Oscar chances!" we were told as Singer's reshoots pushed his budget and his star past their respective limits), and it now threatens to overtake Charlton Heston as this week's highest-profile celebrity casualty. "Valkyrie is dead," wrote David Poland at The Hot Blog. "There is no such thing as a good movie that gets moved from summer to fall to spring."

The fallout from this move also effectively kills Cruise and partner Paula Wagner's United Artists revival at MGM. Our speculation as to whether or not UA could fill the potential DreamWorks void at Paramount hardly seems to matter when Cruise goes 0-for-2 with Lions For Lambs and Valkyrie, with the latter strikeout sending the humiliated schmogul and his pride to Team MGM's disabled list. Right now the best Cruise can hope for is a Mission Impossible 4 green light at Paramount — without the heavy back-end, without the Scientology drama and without the antics that earned Sumner Redstone's public enmity in 2006. Either that or a vacation to the John Hughes estate or a similarly low-lying area where his mystique (and demand) can recover away from the Valkyrie shock and awe. We'd miss him, of course, but we'd understand if he and the family wanted to decompress.

Of course that won't happen; his vulnerability makes him too attractive a target for new partners who can appeal to his ego. Per UA's agreement with MGM, a lot of those calls will run through Parent's office, an escalating power conduit in itself from which the Valkyrie whacking (not to mention Rick Sands' departure and last week's acquisition of the coveted Robert Ludlum property The Matarese Circle) is the soundest expression yet of who is in charge at the Lion. "She will be damn sure to pick movies she can market," Anne Thompson wrote Monday at her Variety blog. "That's half the battle. And Hollywood sat up and took notice of this move, because they know that Parent gets it." At least someone here does. Movie star, heal thyself.

PREVIOUSLY: Delayed Flight of 'Valkyrie' a Good Sign, Says MGM

10:30 AM on Tue Apr 8 2008
By STV
11,734 views
31 comments

Comments

In Other News... at 10:49 AM on 04/08/08
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In flames? Not even the burning embers, my friend. His career is the creosote that lines the chimneys of our fireplaces.
depardoo at 10:49 AM on 04/08/08
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That's just a picture of Tom from his Village People days.
hughman at 11:05 AM on 04/08/08
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maybe they could do "Bullwinkle II" and he could just dress the same and play Boris.
WGARefugee at 11:12 AM on 04/08/08
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Hey, there's a shouty leave Tom alone guy over at that hot blog. So far he's text only but his liberal/medieval use of capitalization implies a nascent youtube rant struggling to EMERGE:

"VALKYRIE WILL OWN YOUR ASS. EVERYTHING CRUISE EVER HAS DONE AND EVER WILL DONE, with the exceptions of maybe LOSIN' IT, FAR AND AWAY, and LAST SAMURAI, are LIFE-CHANGING PAENS TO THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING."

[www.mcnblogs.com]
Superstarsteve at 11:25 AM on 04/08/08
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@WGARefugee: Say what?
spanktastic at 11:33 AM on 04/08/08
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Germany hates him as much as America does.
depardoo at 11:34 AM on 04/08/08
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I've tried positive thinking, and it just doesn't work. Nor can it. Ever.
gnipgnop at 11:35 AM on 04/08/08
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so getting it straight, it's his career that's flamin'?

you kno, gotta be correct when assigning my paens to the power of positive thinking... wouldn't want to shit my paens...
Greasy Thumb Guzik at 11:39 AM on 04/08/08
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@hughman:
I think you meant Fearless Leader, not Boris.
But little Tommie is still too tall to play Fearless Leader, who was maybe two feet tall but had a ten foot tall shadow!
cacajao at 11:44 AM on 04/08/08
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The script is awful. Talky with lots of references to food or eating ("And when the SS catch you, they'll pull you apart like warm bread!)

The outcome of the failed attempt to kill Hitler reads like a Daffy Duck cartoon: HITLER - limping, dazed, his clothes in tatters - is being led from the smoldering ruins.
Benovite at 11:45 AM on 04/08/08
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So Tom Cruise joins the exclusive 'zany nazi movies never released' club besides Jerry Lewis and his infamous "The Day the Clown Cried"?? [www.imdb.com]

Thing is, with all the potential publicity this will stir up, they should actually release that sucker like within the next month!
extracrispy at 11:54 AM on 04/08/08
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Valkyrie probably sucks... yadda, yadda, yadda.

Can we chat for a second about what an inflated douchebag David Poland is? You couldn't find anyone with a bit more credibility than him to report the demise of a Tom Cruise vehicle?
hughman at 12:02 PM on 04/08/08
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@Greasy Thumb Guzik:

oops. my bad. you're right of course. however i still question about Tommy being too tall. Rene Russo could probably squash him like a bug.
Truculent at 12:06 PM on 04/08/08
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I guess the whole Gay Nazis for Christ genre isn't taking America by storm
pureblarney at 12:12 PM on 04/08/08
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He's shot himself in the foot before; he just now managed to hit his Achilles' Heel. Methinks it's going to take some work to jumpstart the Xenu Robot this time.
PickleTitsTurner at 12:14 PM on 04/08/08
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Is he dressed as a Xenu Youth in that picture?
MidTwix at 12:49 PM on 04/08/08
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Clean up on aisle five!
Benovite at 01:45 PM on 04/08/08
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This will probably be a [another]bad sign for Bryan Singer too, I'm surprised no one has mentioned that.
rabbitboy at 02:26 PM on 04/08/08
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If only we would all stop raping babies and join Jenna Elfman on Fandango, pre-ordering our Valkyrie tickets. Kirstie Alley could carpool!
MrRewrite at 03:40 PM on 04/08/08
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wasn't this the movie that his producing partner said didn't require german accents, because the actors speak english in the movie? um, yah, 75 years of film history dispute that one! And dialogue coaches are so expensive, after all.
Tim Faulkner at 05:23 PM on 04/08/08
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His career could be revived if Rosie O'Donnell's career were revived. Oh, nevermind.
WGARefugee at 06:36 PM on 04/08/08
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@gnipgnop: Heh heh heh.

Shouty leave Tom alone guy (who is most likely Tom) over at the hot blog:
BOW BEFORE CRUISE. BOW!!!!!!
NotReadyForPrimeTime at 10:51 PM on 04/08/08
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@hughman: @Greasy Thumb Guzik:

Actually, I think Boris is a better choice, although the accent could be a problem.
StevieRayHalen at 11:51 PM on 04/08/08
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"What?!! VALKYRIE SUCKS!!! My Acting Sucks?!! you said I sucked what?!!"- I'M SUING YOU FOR $100 MILLION DOLLARS!!
but, first I want you to wear this uniform...that's it, now use the accent I taught you...Wunderbar...
raincoaster at 02:57 AM on 04/09/08
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I was going to try to read The Power of Positive Thinking but then I thought, what's the fucking point?
famousauthor at 07:40 AM on 04/09/08
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It might do better if they got Adolf Hitler to play Claus von Stauffenberg. He wouldn't bring all of Tom Cruise's baggage to the movie.
Insideguy at 02:33 AM on 04/10/08
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Poor Tom, Poor Bryan, Poor choice
Headline for Variety February 2009.

Does anyone remember they pushed TITANIC from summer 1997 to Christmas 1997 to make it right?
It went on to win 11 Oscars and become the first and and so far only)film to gross over 2 Billion dollars in its first release.

It is a great story about a very significant event and unlikely hero. Don't count the talent out because the picture went over budget.
regisgoat at 03:17 AM on 04/10/08
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@cacajao
I've been watching some of those vintage cartoons of which you speak. Now, in the old days, the Termite Terrace mob would have given Hitler what he always got post-explosion: cornrows, blackface and Carl Stalling cueing up "Mammy's Little Baby Loves Shortnin' Bread." Those guys did not know from the NACCP.
StevieRayHalen at 08:07 PM on 04/10/08
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@regisgoat: "Dear Sir, we here @ the NAACP find your statement of facts...well, accurate. Therefore we are willing to present a check for $5,000 to anyone offended by your bringing up factual Hollywood racist stereotypes and will see you in court. sincerely, the NAACP ps. you owe us $100 million dollars. pps. that post was funny...
MrRewrite at 08:36 AM on 04/12/08
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OK, which is more believable: "Heetler iz ah monstir, vee must keel him. Oont zoon." ? Or "Hitler is a monster, we must kill him, and soon."? I vote for No. 1.
waitinformyman at 10:18 AM on 04/12/08
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But, really, why would they speak with a German accent? In reality, the events depicted in the film took place in Germany. So the people depicted would have spoken in German. Neither English with a German accent nor English without a German accent is believable. In fact I find the latter option more believable since it acknowledges (somewhat) that what's happening is a fiction (as in screw the German accents because no one would've been speaking English anyway).