A word of advice to the legions of women seeking to disrupt George Clooney's latest extended fling with former cocktail waitress / sand enthusiast Sarah Larson: if you're planning on placing an anonymous phone call to George with the intent of disparaging his ladyfriend, make sure to use a pre-paid cell phone. Because even with the help of his cop/chauffeur's detective skills, Clooney was unable to track the hushed threats that were recently left on his voicemail, threats that apparently came from a rent-a-phone. On them, the anonymous caller ranted, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" The golden couple's reaction, plus reports from an alleged ex revealing Larson's penchants for "love potions", after the jump.

In a too-close-for-comfort profile in this week's New Yorker, Clooney apparently plays the message for both a reporter and Larson for the first time. Her insta-defense? "I've never been a stripper. You know, just because I'm from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I'm a cocktail server, that means I'm an escort." Whoa, Sarah! This guy didn't drop the prostitute bomb, but thanks for reminding us of your skill set. And Clooney, who quipped, "It's not a prank - none of my friends would do that," may not care how many cocktails she served back in the day considering the games Larson likes to allegedly play in the bedroom. A "rock musician" named Tommy McKaughan is dishing to The Sun about the pair's extracurriculars: "She made up special love potions and rubbed them into every part of my body...She loves nothing more than getting naked in a forest." Yeah, we'd let that "investigation" run cold too if we were dating a sand-loving forest nymph like Sarah, too.

9:35 AM on Mon Apr 7 2008
By Molly Friedman
5,178 views
10 comments

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hummingpenguin at 10:15 AM on 04/07/08
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nothing like having to defend your private decisions to the entire f!cking world. i'm glad i'm not famous.
Wazimu at 10:16 AM on 04/07/08
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George, look at those closest to you. Now, among them, who watches The Wire?
Benovite at 11:08 AM on 04/07/08
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Hey George, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you have going on with what's-her-name, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.

I mean my god, that ASS of hers is Beyond son!
[i29.tinypic.com]
The devil himself would go out of his way to make up with the almighty in order to view the nakedenss of what eclipses the grand canyon in term of majestic grandeur.

Do your thing.
jasonelias at 12:40 PM on 04/07/08
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@Benovite: I was about to say something snarky but I saw that ass pic and all of the words just melted away. Congrats George!
Dorothy at 06:20 PM on 04/07/08
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Now I am actually starting to wonder why Clooney can't see he is being played like a Stradivarius.

Can't he figure this out for himself!!!!! (Men can be really stupid.)

Someone in the "lady's" camp left that message on HER behalf.

Here is the sixth grade or, Cliff's Notes version:

Clooney will have to defend her because he feels guilty- Poor Sara is a "victim". In his defending her, he unwittingly becomes more vulnerable to manipulation
as one cannot subconsciously withstand emotional disequilibrium...., a topic for next semester.
Nonetheless: this ups the ante, and she reels him in like the catch of the day. It's a plot for a low-budget, seedy, teen-age film or after-school-special starring of course, Cary Grant, woops, I mean George Clooney...titled: "Boy Snagged for Jr. Prom by Cell Phone Message left by Friends of Skanklee Nounderpants"

If it's all ripe, it's alright:

C.H dies the same weekend...REMEMBER C.H.?. Do ya??
Dorothy at 06:28 PM on 04/07/08
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Now I am actually starting to wonder why Clooney can't see he is being played like a Stradivarius.

Can't he figure this out for himself!!!!! (Men can be really stupid.)

Someone in the "lady's" camp left that message on HER behalf.

Here is the sixth grade or, Cliff's Notes version:

Clooney will have to defend her because he feels guilty- Poor Sara is a "victim". In his defending her, he unwittingly becomes more vulnerable to manipulation
as one cannot subconsciously withstand emotional disequilibrium...., a topic for next semester.
Nonetheless: this ups the ante, and she reels him in like the catch of the day. It's a plot for a low-budget, seedy, teen-age film or after-school-special starring of course, Cary Grant, woops, I mean George Clooney...titled: "Boy Snagged for Jr. Prom by Cell Phone Message left by Friends of Skanklee Nounderpants"

If it's all ripe, it's alright:

C.H dies the same weekend...REMEMBER C.H.?. Do ya??

@Wazimu: sorry but you are too subtle, he'll never figure it out.
Dorothy at 06:30 PM on 04/07/08
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not impressed with the "rug burns" on the elbows too?@Benovite:
Benovite at 08:10 AM on 04/08/08
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Immensely. Nothing like sexual wear & tear on a hot woman that indicates a lot of action.

If she were mine she wouldn't have knee caps.
Dorothy at 05:25 PM on 04/09/08
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She's quite the lady. I wonder if she sports her muzzel when it really matters...
just trying to keep your dream alive.
Dorothy at 07:53 PM on 04/15/08
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They also come in upright positions: ca979che.def89623345amer.14com@Benovite: