Defamer
Longtime readers of Defamer know that we like nothing better than to break up the day with a dip into the Defamer Connections basket. This is L.A., however, where every taste and mathematical combination must be accounted for in the worthwhile pursuit of getting one's freak on, and thus requiring us to sometimes stretch the definition and who and what, exactly, constitutes a "connection." Which brings us to today's installment, via Craigslist:
Are you Carrot Top? - mw4m - 32
Us: Cute, fun, hipster couple Los Feliz, hoping to meet Carrot Top. Are you Carrot Top? We really like your body. We're really into your whole "look." Him: Thirty-two, tallish & 180 lbs. Her: Twenty-six, medium-height and busty brunette.If you're free, and not scared to meet some new friends (and fans!), please let us know!
It never even occurred to us that something so simple as a Craigslist ad could put an adoring and sexually adventurous couple within touching distance of Carrot Top, the real-world Batman villain created when a mild-mannered comic fell into a vat of radioactive toxic sewage at the Acme Oversized Props factory. We can only hope that our modest efforts will bring them that much closer to realizing their dreams of hanging off those freckled, cantaloupe-sized biceps, and determining once and for all if their comedy hero is a top in name alone.
- Are you Carrot Top? - mw4m - 32 [Craigslist]
Comments
but who's gonna be the real top?
ugh...i need one of those martha drinks.
I feel like now might be the time to confess -- while I find Carrot Top disgusting, I have always had a thing for another ginger comedian -- YAHOO SERIOUS.
@el smrtmnky: Sneakily left to the end of the very last sentence to see if you've been reading all the way through!
@Seth: i knew there'd be a test one day. dammit!
Holy Mary on a candy scooter! Carrot! STOP!
TOP? I'm thinking Big Top here - clowns, ringmaster the whole 9 yards
No.
Great, I will now have nightmares about Carrot Bottom . Thanks a bunch.
Holy. Mother. Of. God.
What is trying to do? Turn himself into Lion-O from THUNDERCATS?
Are you Gallagher? - mw4m - 25
AUGH EYES MY EYES
Did anyone else picture Carrot Bottom joking about a traffic cone as an oversized buttplug? No? Just me?
I just turned to stone. And then I barfed and my eyes fell out and I put them back in so I could poke them out. And then I died.
He needs to lay off the juice, he looks like a freak. His weinie is prolly the size of a vienna sausage by now. On a side note, did anyone see the recent episode of family jewels where Gene Simmons was hanging out with Carrot Top? It was pretty good, Gene got a huge vibrator glued to his hand from a prop that CT was making for his stage show. He had to drape a jacket over his arm during Shannon's sisters entire wedding. You can't make that shit up, good times.
Are you sure that's not Kathy Griffin? I can never tell the two apart.
This story would be far more interesting if the couple in question had attempted a similar meeting with Professor Irwin Corey.
OK I can begrudgingly accept Carrot Top's new body. But I will never understand the face. The eyemakup. Is that eyemakeup? Or did he have eyeliner tattooed on there? So confusing.
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