Tom Cruise, clips, gawker, scientology, top

Tom Cruise's Scientology Birthday Bash: What Really Happened

If you've yet to catch a glimpse of the latest semi-outrageous Tom Cruise video to hit the blogspots, sure to lift your spirits as high as it lifts page views for our evil blogging overlord's gossipy domain, then get thee there, pronto. You're all but certain to delight in the lighter side of the Clear Crusader, the guest of honor at his own extravagant birthday festivities. (Highlights: Tom applauding and laughing hysterically at a movie theme; Tom singing Bob Seger; and, believe it—Tom doing The Worm.) Meanwhile, the great minds at Gawker Media Video Laboratories—headed by lead scientist Richard Blakeley—have already made some landmark advances in the creepy-viral-video-parodying field. Enjoy.

WATCH VIDEO

3:14 PM on Fri Mar 14 2008
By Seth
20,590 views
22 comments

Comments

hughman at 03:41 PM on 03/14/08
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yeah... so, uh, male strippers at your birthday party huh Tom?
raincoaster at 03:56 PM on 03/14/08
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Connectedness Index: 337

What a day for my speakers to die.
ricksparks at 04:18 PM on 03/14/08
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Wow. Would *love* to crawl inside his mind for, oh, just one minute or so. Nice to see his singing voice hasn't changed since "Top Gun."

The last time I got excited when a cover band played a medicore version of a Limp Bizkit song based upon the "Mission: Impossible" theme? That would be... NEVER.
Trixie from Toronto at 04:44 PM on 03/14/08
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This has stunned me comment-less.
HiredGoons at 04:50 PM on 03/14/08
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Is this his 'real' birthday, or when he was 'born' as one who is Thetan-free?
FranklyScarlet at 04:51 PM on 03/14/08
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Jeepers! Tommy TOWERS over David Miscavige - head (sorry!) and shoulders.
sassypants at 04:53 PM on 03/14/08
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Ever, Tom? EVER?
Tiger_Tanaka at 05:17 PM on 03/14/08
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I know it's fun to slap the crazy tag on him and all, but, honestly, it's just a rally happy guy having lots of fun at his big birthday party. With all his crazy-ass friend-worshippers.
TryThisAtHome at 05:26 PM on 03/14/08
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Miscaviage is way way too buff to not be a member of the Village People, if you know what I mean.
walterny at 05:40 PM on 03/14/08
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Except Cruise's birthday is July 3rd so what birthday is this?
jamriner at 05:53 PM on 03/14/08
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And then, a thetan showed up an boned him violently
HiredGoons at 06:00 PM on 03/14/08
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Of course Tom isn't #2. He's the mascot, and the mascot is never part of the team.
419Baiter at 06:26 PM on 03/14/08
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Scientology is Evolution's way of saying you've got too much money.
telenot at 06:49 PM on 03/14/08
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God he's a freak...
lesbiansayswhat at 07:42 PM on 03/14/08
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Connectedness Index: 143

So 'what really happened' besides what's evident in the video you page view whores?
jasonelias at 08:47 PM on 03/14/08
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I sense some cuttin' and splicin' cause if it was real I bet Tom would totally have given or received a lap dance.
bowleen at 07:37 AM on 03/15/08
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Wow, I'm blown away (no pun intended) that a few of the commenters didn't seem to get the joke. I like your spliced-together-with male strippers one better than the original...
ihateyourescalade at 07:56 AM on 03/15/08
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He's a big boy now. I'd like to see him tuck in his shirt. Or does that not happen until 50?
waitinformyman at 08:50 AM on 03/15/08
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Is there some message implicit in splicing together a clip of a stripper pulling something out of his underwear and Tom singing into a microphone? Freud wants to know.
Kdoggy at 04:31 PM on 03/15/08
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Wow, what a loyal band of ass-kicking sycophants, fake laughing to match Tom's fake laughing, hip slapping to match Tom's hip slapping...and then there's that science fiction religion thing.
Cacafuego at 05:27 PM on 03/15/08
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The only events I've gone to where the 'guest of honor's' face/picture is constantly thrown up on multiple screens with their favorite music/theme songs have been WAKES.
LLH at 07:08 AM on 03/16/08
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no katie as this was in 2004 (so says the gawker article) maybe she wouldn't have taken the wife job had she seen then how gay and BSC (bat shit crazy) he was then. and i really think the whole ship took mushrooms or something. they seem to all be laughing at nothing. nothing at all.