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David Archuleta's Lyric-Challenged Tumble From 'Idol' Frontrunner Grace

To say that David Archuleta arrived at the Idol Thunderdome last night carrying with him the judges' raised expectations is akin to saying the Magi had high hopes for that Nazareth kid over at the Ye Bethlehem Inn. He was, as Simon Cowell pronounced in the second week of competition, "the one to beat"—as good a coronation of Saviordom as any. His myth quickly grew: Animated woodland critters would suddenly appear every time he opened his mouth to sing...His voice could heal the lame, bringing to his feet scores of girls afflicted with a rare condition that rendered them incapable of lowering their arms...His farts smelled like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. But anyone watching could immediately tell that something was not right:

For starters, the bashful, 17-year-old demi-Honduran seemed more nervous than usual in his introductory video package—not the energized nerves of a confident performer that might lead him to erupt into spontaneous choruses of "Flashdance... What a Feeling," but rather the white-knuckle distress of someone walking into a final matriculation unprepared. His admission that he is almost completely illiterate to the Lennon/McCartney songbook did not reassure us, either, particularly from a performer whose angelic interpretation of "Imagine" was what was credited with securing his coveted spot on the Big Stage in the first place.

And there he stood—a tiny, twittering uvula hanging at the back of a giant, flashing orifice. Put aside for a moment the fact that the song he chose, "We Can Work It Out," was in every way beyond his technical means. Ignore too the disconcerting lip-moistening between every verse, and the auto-show-model arm gestures. The Chosen One had committed the cardinal Idol no-no, failing to heed the one admonishment drilled into our heads repeatedly by Idol's Wayne Brady-hosted, ghetto follow-up: He forgot the lyrics, and in doing so, went in the span of one verse from Messiah to Sanjaya.

americanidol.com

9:36 AM on Wed Mar 12 2008
By Seth
7,975 views
27 comments

Comments

yourfriendandneighbor at 10:07 AM on 03/12/08
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This week, dawg, it was not on point.
metroville at 10:19 AM on 03/12/08
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Isn't it a key aspect of karaoke contests that contestants be provided song lyrics on an electronic screen?
WGARefugee at 10:23 AM on 03/12/08
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Now that they've proved that whatever it is that lives inside Paula Abdul can colonize new hosts, the secret gov't can end this tawdry experiment.
guitarsnob at 10:31 AM on 03/12/08
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What made it even beyond his technical means is that he essentially did the Stevie Wonder version of the song.
Singing in the style of Mr. Wonder is difficult for even the most experienced vocalist.
guitarsnob at 10:32 AM on 03/12/08
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@guitarsnob: there was supposed to be a 'more' between the words 'even' and 'beyond'.
Nomi Malone at 10:35 AM on 03/12/08
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01:10 - you can actually see when his heart breaks.
whoneedslight at 10:50 AM on 03/12/08
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I had a Monchichi when I was a kid. Looked just like him.
halfshafter at 11:02 AM on 03/12/08
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He looks a hell of a lot like a teenaged Paula Abdul.
92BuickLeSabre at 11:07 AM on 03/12/08
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Connectedness Index: 558

whoneedslight's comparison = halfshaft's comparison
MyMuffinTop at 11:20 AM on 03/12/08
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I couldn't watch his performance. I changed the channel after he made it down the stairs. I also stopped believing in Santa, unicorns and love.
extracrispy at 11:22 AM on 03/12/08
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But what if he planned last night's fall from grace to dispel complaints from those of us who say he's too polished and mechanical?

I'm convinced the little bastard really is that manipulative.
Benny at 11:23 AM on 03/12/08
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This s weird. Exact same thing happened a few years ago on Australian Idol. Beatles night... exact same song... front runner for the whole competition. Did a bullshit cover version, forgot the words and was absolutely butchered by the judges. The mean (consistently accurate) judge told her, from memory, that there were "two dead Beatles rolling over in ther graves", which was a nice touch. The next night she was eliminated. Major scandal.

Enjoy:

+ Watch video

+ Watch video
LizPop at 12:21 PM on 03/12/08
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Does it not occur to anyone that he may be on some meds?
he could barely keep his eyes open and his speech was w-a-y s-l-o-w-e-r than usual.
whether it's prescription or not, I think he was on something last night.
MsMuffinMcGuffin at 12:24 PM on 03/12/08
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Connectedness Index: 45

When that perky little munchkin said he didn't really know the Beatles songs, I almost reached through the tv and ripped his tongue out.
OldTowneTavern at 12:29 PM on 03/12/08
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Fortunately for David, Kristy Lee Cook admitted she hates music by turning a Beatles song into the new Dukes of Hazard theme, so he'll be fine. The rest of us, however, are still in recovery.
GreatZardoz at 12:38 PM on 03/12/08
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@OldTowneTavern: that really was just a redneck, nashville version of the tarantella, wasn't it? horrifying doesn't have a significant enough degree of emphasis for what she did to that song.
Cacafuego at 12:52 PM on 03/12/08
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This sums up AI in a nutshell. Sub-par karaoke warblers butchering songs they are only familiar with as COVERS.

I'd give someone else's left nut to see these braindead fuckers attempting to tackle the songbooks of, say, David Bowie, Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, or the Sex Pistols!
NotReadyForPrimeTime at 01:01 PM on 03/12/08
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Connectedness Index: 45

@Benny:

Excellent theory, except that dialidol.com still has him in the #1 position, and the ONLY contestant sure not to be voted off tonight. The rest are too close to tell.
revmatty at 01:13 PM on 03/12/08
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"from Messiah to Sanjaya"

That's truly beautiful
Reason at 01:15 PM on 03/12/08
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I always like to pinpoint the exact moment I realize that I'm reading a Seth-penned article. This time, it was: "tiny, twittering uvula hanging at the back of a giant, flashing orifice."

Thanks Seth!
OldTowneTavern at 01:16 PM on 03/12/08
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@Cacafuego: I'm still waiting for Bjork night.
I Will Not Stop... at 01:39 PM on 03/12/08
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@OldTowneTavern: In the original Icelandic!
jasonelias at 02:33 PM on 03/12/08
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@LizPop: He probably drank from Paula's Coke tumbler, god knows what's in there.
cynyc at 03:51 PM on 03/12/08
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he's no Brooke White.

sigh
Miss d at 05:55 PM on 03/12/08
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Obviously he couldn't work it out...
lex99 at 08:15 PM on 03/12/08
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Kristy Lee Cook was so awful, I had my girlfriend take a dump in my ears halfway through to muffle the sound!!
Whiteboyfunfark at 11:51 PM on 03/12/08
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@guitarsnob: Thank goodness he didn't try the Chaka Khan version....

Of course, his big moment in the sun covering Lennon's 'Imagine' was actually a so-so to middling carbon copy of the incomparable Eva Cassidy's cover. Sorry to have to let that cat out of the bag, but sometimes even the cute innocent 17-year-old puppy truth hurts.