Defamer
Supremely confident that tonight's WGA vote will end the writers strike and finally free him of the three-month-long recurring nightmare in which he's forced to personally read the names of this year's Oscar winners to an empty Kodak Theatre while wearing nothing but a tattered tuxedo t-shirt, ecstatic producer Gil Cates triumphantly declared at today's production meeting that the Academy will put on its "A" show , officially scrapping plans for the clip-heavy, star-deficient backup ceremony everyone feared might take place.
After announcing the happy news to his staff, a relieved Cates, obviously still haunted by those troubling dreams, elaborated on the psychological burden that had just been lifted, muttering to show director Louis J. Horvitz, "Thank fucking God that's over. I couldn't take another night of waking up in a cold sweat, pantsless and gripping the World's Greatest Boss novelty Oscar you gave me, screaming, 'And the Oscar goes to...Javier Bardem!' There's only so much of that the wife will put up with, no matter how much stress you're under."
Comments
Awww. And I was really looking forward to there not being an Oscars. The gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands would've been so much more interesting.
Awww Mark, how will we live without your liveblog? Maybe come back for just one night....
Another ratings-winner in the offing. Hope Plan A includes that wacky free-lance heckler, Sean Young in the audience. She'll be out of rehab, right?
Dang, I was hoping necessity would be the mother of invention. Can't we just bury Cates in the rut he's in?
I'm relieved to hear that Mariah Carey will have someplace to go that night.
Damn! There goes my plan to spend the night drinking vodka, whilst shouting at the TV... oh wait...
Never cancelled our party Graydon! Of course it just the people on my block.
Yay! Another chance to see the EXACT SAME group of elite "artists" (who only make Oscar bait films) applaud each other.
Meanwhile Hannah Montanna and Alvin are paying the bills.
Question: how may Oscars does it take to get Sean Penn into retirement? Seriously.
As far as I can tell, the only surprise of the evening will be Best Supporting Actress - the old one, the young one, the new one, the androgynous one or the one who already won. That's one stagnant mosquito-breeding Oscar pool...
I guess it's Cil Cate's way of saying "This year they'll be no Jergen's hand lotion, Hollywood will masturbate itself this year with Astroglide--Platinum Edition!" Post haste! We can't scream at the minions loud enough to pull this beaded gown driven egofest together....
@Sweet Panda Love: Is the androgynous one the same as the one who already won? And which of the five attended the police academy, but in San Francisco?
@LBJeffries: I was thinking Tilda Swinton was the androgynous one, with Cate Blanchett as the one who won. And Farrah Fawcett is none of them.
The Oscars are really auditions for ego-constraint, peppered with a dash of unabashed self-deprecation….yeah that will throw them off. ..I like to watch the Oscars to discern who the best caricature of them all. . I hypothesize on who has true range and who usually plays yet another tired another rendition of themselves.....it's an ego extravaganza ensconced in uncomfortable clothing…. Best of all, there is some damn good acting, ranging from pseodu-confidce to indifference. BTW: I will be wearing Prada or NOTHING at all... No rented bling here.
If Paris can sell canned Champaign , a deaf woman can dance with the stars.... it's definitely a free-for-all. So, can I play now?
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