While it's true we've rarely seen Harvard's Woman of the Year Paris Hilton far from at least one member of her four-legged menagerie, had you asked us to guess just how many animals co-exist with her behind the walls of her gated estate, we would have probably thrown out a number like a half-dozen: a chihuahua, a kinkajou, a billy goat, couple ducks, maybe an emu for good measure. Never, however, in our wildest, animal-exploiting, poopie-bedsheet dreams, did the following occur to us:

That Hilton might be harboring—you may need to sit down for this—no fewer than 17 dogs. That was the number she offered a clearly mortified Ellen DeGeneres, whose commitment to controlling the L.A. animal population is the stuff of legend. (Wait a second—did she just say 17 dogs? We believe she did.) Hearing the outrageous admission that her own laziness has transformed her home into a berserk chihuaha breeding colony, we're now forced to reconsider Hilton's last visit to Ellen's show to dispel all those "ridiculous" rumors, and question if the heiress isn't perhaps hoarding a drunk-elephant petting zoo in her back yard after all.

The Ellen DeGeneres Show

11:44 AM on Fri Feb 8 2008
By Seth
11,382 views
22 comments

Comments

CourageousCoward at 12:34 PM on 02/08/08
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It's not funny. It's called, "hoarding" and it's illegal. After this admission, I hope she gets a visit from PETA or ASPCA.
DuckyDoom at 12:58 PM on 02/08/08
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Wait til Bob Barker hears about this one.
Trixie from Toronto at 01:04 PM on 02/08/08
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She's a lying vile awful human being. She IS running a puppy mill. Why didn't Ellen smack that ho down?
Sweet Panda Love at 01:11 PM on 02/08/08
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Hey, a girl's gotta eat.
WorkerBee2000 at 01:12 PM on 02/08/08
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Remember when Gawker figured out that the perfect caption for any New Yorker cartoon contest could always be "What an asshole"? I think the same response can be applied to whenever Paris Hilton speaks.
procrastinator, esq. at 01:25 PM on 02/08/08
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@Sweet Panda Love: Sweet Panda Love for the win. That's the most amazing comment, ever.
nick_r at 01:31 PM on 02/08/08
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One for each brain cell.
CourageousCoward at 01:42 PM on 02/08/08
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@procrastinator, esq.: Puh-leeze. That much meat could only fit between her legs, not in her mouth.
NoGrumpys at 01:43 PM on 02/08/08
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Chiuhauha is best served with Fava beans and a nice Chanti

"ffffffffffffffffff"
gorillavsmarykate at 02:20 PM on 02/08/08
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17 Dogs is the one where Katherine Heigl has to decide which one to wear in her purse for the big Letterman appearance?
rockogre at 03:21 PM on 02/08/08
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@gorillavsmarykate: I"ve seen this movie, there's something about puppy skins and a coat I think. She just needs the cigarette holder and a more sneering attitude!
Barbarella at 03:41 PM on 02/08/08
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@WorkerBee2000: The correct caption is, "Christ, what an asshole."
Barbarella at 03:45 PM on 02/08/08
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Doh! And totally forgot the @WorkerBee2000: "and yes you are totally correct, as is the universal use of that phrase" part
Trixie from Toronto at 04:38 PM on 02/08/08
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@rockogre: And a white streak through her hair.

We can call her Ebola De Vil.
LAGirl at 04:38 PM on 02/08/08
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anyone see this blind item from eonline? here's a quote:

"upon leaving her house, she often locks these pups in one of her many closets, supposedly to prevent them from making messies all over her expensive pad.

But, uh, sometimes SPO would be gone for hours...days...weeks...and not tell anybody about the dog in its wardrobe dungeon. The animal's existence would simply slip from her mind! Oh, doesn't that happen to everybody? While cleaning the house, Pop-Off's staff have-reportedly more than once-opened a closet to discover a tiny, dead dog."

yeah...wonder who this is?

[www.eonline.com]
Whiteboyfunfark at 05:08 PM on 02/08/08
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Ellen, forget the dogs. They need to spay and neuter Paris.
Trixie from Toronto at 05:23 PM on 02/08/08
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@LAGirl: I remember that blind item. People suggested it was Jessica Simpson. I took great offence -- my Jessica would never do such a thing, and it was so obviously this vile and evil virus!
BAngieB at 06:24 PM on 02/08/08
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@Trixie from Toronto: I can't imagine that it is Jessica...that is really far-fetched. But, when I find out who it is, I might have to go out there and bring the smackdown.
raincoaster at 08:59 PM on 02/08/08
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Ellen is just jealous Paris never offered her some of them; she had to send fruit baskets to her staff at Christmas! Chihuahuas would have been much more original!

Oh, and Chihuahuas were originally meat animals. I've called them Coyote Bait for years; those people with Chihuahuas on extenda-leashes? They are the land-based equivalent of fly fishermen.
Szechuan Chihuahua coming up:
[www.mj12.com]
Trixie from Toronto at 10:47 PM on 02/08/08
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@BAngieB: It's that doggie killer Paris!
Kdoggy at 11:47 AM on 02/09/08
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Substitute the phrase "chancre encrusted penis" for "dog" or "chihuahua" in the preceding story.
Miss d at 06:35 PM on 02/10/08
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What a stupid, vapid bitch.

Applies to both Paris and Ellen...