Yes, it was a helluva game. And yes, the Manning bros' simultaneous smiles were near-cinematic, as were Plaxico's tears. But unlike the rest of America, we opposed conformity and muted the game, not the commercials. Why? Brand spankin' new movie trailer debuts! And no offense to unlikely hero Eli, but even your wildcard win can't usurp any heat from the likes of Iron Man's Robert Downey Jr. clad in jet-powered metal or Adam Sandler's Israeli accent as a combat soldier-turned-hair-stylist in You Don't Mess With The Zohan. All six trailers shown (and then promptly dissected) after the jump.
Leatherheads Release Date: April 4
Tagline: "In the beginning, the rules were simple. There weren't any."
Prime Players: George Clooney, natch, along with Renee Zellweger and John Krasinski (the latter finally making up for
That Movie Of Which We Do Not Speak).
Highlights: Clooney looking tawny, taut and (gasp!) crackin' jokes, a tiny white bulldog wearing an old-school leather football helmet and, most importantly, Renee turning up as a red-velvet-wearing sports reporter, retooling that charismatic
Chicago twang she perfected.
Iron Man Release Date: May 2
Tagline: "Heroes aren't born. They're made."
Prime Players: Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Ghostface Killah (really), and a blink-and-you-miss-her Gwynnie Paltrow. Bonus: Directed by Jon Favreau!
Highlights: Pretty much everything Downey says, including "Yeah, I can fly,"and "I'm workin' on something big." Plus the very sight of Terrence's blue-eyed punim. Oh right, and the explosions. Lots and lots of explosions.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian Release Date: May 16
Tagline: "A New Age Has Begun."
Prime Players: Tilda Swinton returns, as do the four annoying tykes, but new cast members include Liam Neeson and our favorite height-challenged dude with a 'tude, Peter Dinklage.
Highlights: Awesome footage of London's The Strand metro stop morphing into a tropical beach after one empty car goes by. Plus the hottest newbie since Harry Potter grew pubes: Ben Barnes in the title role.
You Don't Mess With The Zohan Release Date: June 6
Tagline: "I come here to start new life, find nice woman, then make the boom-boom."
Prime Players: Sandler stars in the title role and Emmanuelle Chirqui plays the love interest. Sandler hanger-on Rob Schneider and fascinatingly, Henry Winkler and Mariah Carey playing "themselves."
Highlights: Sandler's accent, hair, outfits, and facial expressions as a Mossad agent who fakes his death in order to "cut and style hair" puts Jack Black to shame. Also, depictions of Israel as a land where blondes jump around the beach in red, white and blue bikinis are so freakily erroneous they border on Borat levels of hilarity. Finally...um, Sandler is super hot for the first time in recent memory once he restyles himself as a New Yorker.
Wall-E
Release Date: June 27
Tagline: "After 700 years of doing what he was built for - he'll discover what he's meant for."
Prime Players: Pixar, the voices of Fred Willard (!) and Jeff Garlin.
Highlights: Dude, these guys made
The Incredibles and
Ratatouille. You need highlights? It takes place in 2700, k? Pretty much all you need to know...to know that it will kickall the others' asses.
Defamer
Comments
Wanted: Dead.
Seriously, what happens to physics when summertime comes? It's wierd. It's like it just vanishes in a puff of logic.
The trailers weren't so much "dissected" here as they were "inexplicably lavished upon across the board".
I wonder how the person who designed Short Circuit's Johnny Five feels about Wall-E being a total knock off.
I thought the Leatherheads trailer was a beer commercial for the first half, and was surprised to see Danny Ocean (now with more O Brother, Where Art Thou?) kissing Roxie Hart (who apparently spends the entire film talking out of the side of her mouth). And then Jim Halpert + hair gel? What?
So who else thought it was fucking nasty when Sandler stuck his foot in that dude's face?
IRON MAN. 'Nuff said.
(sweet zombie jesus please let this be 1/2 as good as the trailers look)
@ComicDork: Damn straight.
And I know it might get just a little Brokeback, but can we boot Renee out of that football film? The only time I liked her was when she played the crazy lady in Cold Mountain.
It sure would be great if I could play those trailers once they were fully loaded, like on YouTube, where only the video does the stop-start thing. The beauty of AOL is that EVERYTHING works the same way: ie b0rked.
Wait...I thought these were just bad beer commercials...
Wait. So Robert Downey Jr wasn't an upgraded Terminator ad for Sarah Conner Chronicles? Pop culture: SO confusing sometimes...
PS: Robert. I kid. I kid!
Did...did WallE get a bit of a 'hoover hummer' in that clip? Is that...is that all right? Or am I just a pervert?
Three Iron Man thoughts:
1) The tagline is "Heroes aren't born, they're built."
2) The casting of Downey Jr. is brilliant, as Iron Man is also an alcoholic.
3) Obviously, the Black Sabbath song is going to be in the movie, but is anyone else also hoping for the Cardigan's cover of the song to be there as well?
@skyywise: Oh me loves the Cardigan's Sabbath covers (just found their live cover of "Changes")... but they they use Sabbath's Iron Man in the trailer so they almost have to in the movie. Probably during the credits.
Say it again with me kids... IRON MAN: F@#K YEAH.
@Unamerican: Nope, you're right. Brad Bird's wholesome genre is finally going blue.
Oh, Wanted. Another case of a great (if shamelessly over-the-top) graphic novel completely ruined in its cinematic translation. Additionally: Can we please stop with all the James McAvoy? His lumpy visage is all over like six movies right now.
Wanted deserved a better adaptation. Looks like Iron Man is getting the one it deserves. Can't win 'em all.
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