Going to Hollywood clubs packed with B-and C-list celebrities is a potentially dangerous experience; on a night like Friday at Spider Club, the careless reveler could easily find themselves on the wrong end of a Scientology conversion spiel given by a Masterson, struck by one of Bijou Phillips' flailing limbs, or performing unspeakable acts in a dimly-lit booth with Fez, unlikely cocksmith to a generation of starlets. Luckily, responsible venues provide an adequate security detail to mitigate a patron's risk of one of these unpleasant outcomes. A reader reports:

Friday night at Spider Club was seriously B (or maybe C)-list-television heaven. First, as we were going in we spotted Ryan Starr (American Idol and that always career-reviving Surreal Life) throwing a tantrum because Spider club has a very strict "No Cameras" policy, and I guess she thought they would bend the rules for her little $7 disposable camera. Security told her she could put it in coat check, but she was whining that she had no cash to pay for the coat check. Ugh, please don't announce this to the world.

Then, we were upstairs posted up by a couple of booths, when all of a sudden two huge groups of people (bodyguards included) come over and take over the reserved booths. Who were those people you ask? None other than Danny Masterson, his crazy girlfriend Bijou Phillips, and Wilmer "Fez" Valderrama. Danny looks exactly like he does on That 70's Show, Wilmer is kinda cute (although he had on this weird suit and tie), and Bijou is one crazy-dancing machine- arms flailing, body gyrating, etc. It was really weird. Through the course of the night the table got periodic visits from Zach Braff (who seemed like he had a stick up his ass), Donald Faison and Ryan Seacrest (short!). People generally left them alone, maybe because of the group of leering bodyguards were standing by (honestly- do these people really need a security team?)

• Previously: Koi Proves It Will Let Anyone In [Defamer]