Defamer
To celebrate the 5th anniversary of boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel's ascension to ABC's late night throne, Sarah Silverman decided it was time to come clean—in song, unsurprisingly—about the torrid, fuck-filled affair she's been having with secretly devious Hollywood Nice Guy Matt Damon, who's quietly been delivering carnal payback for years of being Kimmel's sign-off joke ("Apologies to Matt Damon, we've run out of time," etc) in the form of erotic pillow fights, up-against-the-minibar penetrations, and Scrabulous-enhanced trysts with the cuckolded host's longtime partner.
We'll leave you to share in Kimmel's musical shame without further preamble; by the end of Silverman's impressively catchy confessional (note to striking WGA members: she says she wrote it in October!), you'll be more than ready to cast aside your guitar and get to the important work of fucking Matt Damon.
- Jimmy Kimmel Live [ABC.com]
Comments
Who is Matt Damon?
Damon's funniest performance since "Scotty Doesn't Know."
That was the first time I laughed at anything on Jimmy's show... I feel a little dead inside now. I'm gonna go shower.
sarah silverman = smash anal river
anagram sam = man-ram saga?
wait a second, is she actually having sex with Matt Damon? I still don't know.
DMAC = dam c
That was pretty funny. I love a woman with a potty-mouth who enjoys the sexing.
anagram sam = action sugar.
NOREMAC = CREAM ON ;)
This only deepens my confusion about what the hell she's doing with Kimmel.
So it's like a real-life, "The Truth About Cats And Dogs" story for celebrities?
I am crying laughing over this - Matt Damon just fucking rocks. Sarah hasn't made me laugh in years and this just rocketed her back up in my good graces, but Damon - is there NOTHING this man can't do. I want "I'm fucking Matt Damon" to become a national catchphrase.
@SixString: Roger fucking that, man. Hate me a Silverman, but Damon just has no pride... hip hop dancing = engraved in my mind forever. One of many reasons to love him, besides his water charity.
Perfection.
People really hate her for some reason, but every once in a while, she really knocks it out of the park. And my love for Matt Damon has deeply intensified as a result of this. Why can't I be fucking Matt Damon?
People hate her because she rarely knocks it out of the park.
@spanktastic: That's true, Spanky. I wish Gawker Media would sell T-shirts now saying I'm Fucking Matt Damon.
If "Dick in a Box" can win an Emmy, then this ... well, maybe not. But it was still damned funny.
this is the first time i have ever laughed out loud to sarah silverman...is that a symptom of something?
oh my god this is amazing
@Hiphopopotamus: Me too. Deconstruction and humor don't usually mix.
I really needed to watch that. Or fuck Matt Damon.
That was funny, but only because Matt Damon really, really looked like he was enjoying himself whilst dancing and saying "Fucking" about a hundred times. Still don't really find Sarah Silverman that funny.
I don't care if you set it to music. There's nothing funny about anyone sleeping with my boyfriend. I appreciate those of you whose thoughts and prayers are with me during this difficult time.
That was amusing. Props to Damon for being a good sport...with some nicely flashed comic timing, to boot.
I don't know why people tend to hate Silverman with such passion, but I do know that people tend to be "hating" on strong, divisive, opinionated women in the public sphere, these days. It must be de rigeur.
(No, Sherri Shepard, you are not strong, and a viable opinion is but a lesser moon in the current galaxy of your liabilities. You are, merely, hated).
Damon is the man. This bit on Letterman was the one that sold me on the guy:
[youtube.com]
@mothrafairy: I don't hate her for being strong or opinionated. But she's no comic genius for doing 3rd grade level "shock" humor just because she's female. I hate her for being unfunny, unattractive and crass (not the "good" kind of crass, either).
Matt's cheating on me?!
If only her second season had been that good.
@nojo: For realz. Aside from the brilliant abortion montage, S2 was suck city. Clearly the show should become The Sarah Silverman Is Fucking Matt Damon Program in order to remain relevant.
I am Spartacus, I mean, fucking Matt Damon.
@tlh917: Damn tlh...major props for remembering the song
Didn't laugh once and I like Matt Damon...
@Trixie from Toronto: Yeah, I'm really not a fan of hers at all but that was really funny. It wouldn't have been 1/2 as funny if Damon weren't in on the gag, though. Hmm. Of course it's also funny b/c Kimmel's a douche.
@Trixie from Toronto:
This makes me wanna fuck matt damon for the first time since he dumped minnie driver on oprah.
This rocks.
Oh, we like that Matt Damon. We can't help ourselves.
Gawker asks aloud why Jewish women get no love in the media, then answers self two days later.
sarah silverman is so 2006. ugh.
FUNNY. Very funny Damon and Silverman.
Hilarious! But that song's going to be in my head for a long, long time!
I watched this at the office all day, came home, made the kids dinner, and absent-mindedly started singing out loud: "I'm fucking Matt Damon!!!" as they sat down to eat.
Oh dear.
Probably one of the funniest celebrity videos I've seen in years. I wanted to post it on WomenCo, but I wasn't sure how my audience would respond to it.
What the hell - maybe I'll post it anyways.
I wish SS had brought this kind of funny at Write Aid in December.
This is why I love that J.A.P. (Look it up.)
@Kylie: Happy banning!
Yes, but does she enjoy it as much as she enjoys Babybel cheese rounds?
Oh, how I hate this woman and Oh, how I love Matt Damon. Wasn't Ben Affleck the first to make a catchphrase of "I'm FUCKING MATT DAMON!" or am I the only one who actually bought that issue of Talk magazine.
Somebody should let Matt do a rap album. Who cares if it's ever released: it would make him very happy.
Maybe Sarah's mustache makes Matt think of Ben.
@mothrafairy: hating on the strong, opinionated women isn't new...unless you're talking about the Heigl in which case she's not smart about her outbursts and deserves some of the hater attention.
Wouldn't it be great if Sarah Silverman were actually funny? She makes Damon look like a comic genius there.
@Dave J.: there /is/ something engaging about him referring to himself in the 3rd person like that. I only wish he coulda thrown in some o' those Bourne moves with crazy editing and camera work... jumped through a few windows or whatever
In the Kimmel version - it wasn't Pitt's appearance that blew me away - it was Josh Groban. I was on the floor.
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