The Only Rambo Review You'll Ever Need

Though we did try to communicate the level of pre-release excitement that consumed us during the run-up to Friday's debut of Rambo by sharing charts and pointing out near-unanimous critical support for our breathless anticipation of what we were sure would prove an instant classic, we never got around to offering our post-screening thoughts on Sylvester Stallone's opus. But rather than bore you with fifteen uninterrupted, giddy minutes of mimicking the sound of heads burst like overripe watermelons by high-caliber machine-gun fire, allow us to instead substitute the above, more considered appraisal of the movie's merits by a leading online critic. Enjoy.

My Rambo Review [YouTube via BWE]

2:10 PM on Wed Jan 30 2008
By Mark
2,706 views
23 comments

Comments

DastardlyFunk at 02:32 PM on 01/30/08
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That's two minutes of my life I will never get back again.
BadUncle at 02:33 PM on 01/30/08
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Why can't all reviews be like that?
OldTowneTavern at 02:36 PM on 01/30/08
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If only I didn't know that he went by the name "Sexman", this clip could have remained sweetly embarrassing rather than a chilling clue of some horror that's sure to come.
Shumina at 02:48 PM on 01/30/08
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Teeth. All I see are teeth.
Tenno at 02:48 PM on 01/30/08
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This is SEXMAN!

Holy shit, what a lead up...
Creepmouse at 02:50 PM on 01/30/08
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Next up: Sexman on Sexman, Scientologist.
Her Royal Empress Dr.... at 02:58 PM on 01/30/08
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Connectedness Index: 192

I want to see Gino the Ginny review this one.

If you don't know who Gino the Ginny is, youtube.
Tiger_Tanaka at 02:59 PM on 01/30/08
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He could play the young Jerry Lewis in a biopic. Or the adult Jerry Lewis in a film by Michel Gondry.
TryThisAtHome at 03:03 PM on 01/30/08
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Connectedness Index: 0

Hollywood, are you proud of yourself? Here is your coveted, targeted demographic representative in full graphic color.
jason1007 at 03:04 PM on 01/30/08
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So some knucklehead parents took their 9 year-old to see Rambo 4 ("5 out of 5 stars") and turned him loose on the Internets® to post this 5fps video.

"A lot of heads gettin' blown off... it was great."

"It's been a damn long time since I've seen a movie that made me--on the edge of my seat..."

I love what America has become.
jason1007 at 03:04 PM on 01/30/08
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@TryThisAtHome: Amen!
metroville at 03:13 PM on 01/30/08
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Why would he choose "Sexman" over "White Urkel?"
mugczar at 03:23 PM on 01/30/08
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i like turtles
Garrison Dean, King... at 03:28 PM on 01/30/08
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Connectedness Index: 140

I guess I do have a son.
The Closer at 03:29 PM on 01/30/08
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And just when I was thinking that foster care was a viable option for at risk youth.
Lula Mae Broadway at 03:40 PM on 01/30/08
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That's what happens pregnant women drink martinis with a thimerosol chaser.
Her Royal Empress Dr.... at 04:07 PM on 01/30/08
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Connectedness Index: 192

@Garrison Dean: I think he might be our son.

Sexman, I'm sorry what I said about Gino the Ginny. You got subtlety.
Kdoggy at 04:51 PM on 01/30/08
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Oldtowntavern: Funny thoughts!
It's good to see HR Pufnstuff's half-human love child is following in the footsteps of such icons as Rex Reed, Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, Ron Jeremy...
Friedneckbones at 05:03 PM on 01/30/08
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Shouldn't sexman at least have semen?!?
Glass_Family at 05:40 PM on 01/30/08
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"It's been a damn long time since I've been on the edge of my seat. At least since 'The Wild Thornberry's movie.' Now, if you'll excuse me, the SEXMAN has to go and comb his pube stash."

Chris Hansen has the Sexman's 18th birthday earmarked on his calendar.
Whyaduck at 05:47 PM on 01/30/08
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"It's been a damn long time!" and he feels like a damn hell ass king! He looks like a live action character from the Simpsons.

Excellent delivery. The punchline was perfectly timed; it was like a mild but hilarious version of the Aristocrats.
Miss d at 05:58 PM on 01/30/08
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Why wasn't he on Kid Nation ferchristssake?
Benny at 08:01 AM on 02/02/08
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I cannot believe people are actually making fun of this kid.

Sexman!!?? That's awesome!