somebody hold me, i'm getting chills

I feel EXACTLY that way about the return policy at KSW.

Wow, I just snuck in a listen at work. The only thing that comes to mind relating to that laugh is Dr. Frankenstein shouting "It's Alive!"
*shudder*

My CrimCon is getting stiff

Is he wearing white eyeshadow?

If he and his ilk have their way, there won´t BE any history books someday.

I think I had this same rant before I entered rehab.

So much crazy, how were you able to choose only 5?

Cuckoo .... cuckoo .... cuckoo ... cuckoo .... cuckoo ....

STARK!

RAVING!

MAD!

(...seriously, there's money in this shit. I'm going to start a cult based upon 'Josie & the Pussycats in Outer Space'. Bleep-Bleep shall be the deity, representing any number of crucial Paradigm Shifts. We, however, shall cause roadside accidents, rather than solve them.)

Who will be the next Tom Cruise of this cult?: [thesecret.tv]

Scientology: the road to xenu is paved with acronyms.

Because it's always a little more potent when you read it:

"So for me it really is KSW, because it's, it's something that uh, I don't mince words with that, you know, with anything that LRH does, but that policy has really gone, pffft, boy, and eh er ah there's a time I went through and said you know what...when I read it, you know uh, I just went, phoo, this is it, this is exactly it."

One day we'll be reading about Tom in the history books. And not in a good way.

Man, i watched that and i was just like... boom. You just know, you know? it's like HAHAHAHAHA you just watch and you know HAHAHAHA. You can't just stand by, you have to watch and you have do something HAHAHAHA it's like PTSWSPQRZXY. you just have to know!

I can't wait for Christian Bale to play him in the movie version.

Team SP!

KATHOTDOG: I was thinking the same thing. Very American Psycho.

@Cheap Shot: Will Smith. Now that Tom's career appears to be sliding into the crapper, they need another rube with deep pockets. Also helps that he has his own secrets that the lovely people at the 'Centre' will keep locked up in the vault, that is until Will wants to leave.

Ok, so that's a RECRUITMENT video? As in - this is supposed to make someone want to join this group? Yikes.

I'm still confused. Is he trying to sell people on the church of Scientology or turn them away with his meth addict ramblings?

Btw #5 is my favorite creepy cruise moment.

he's not saying ANYTHING!!!!!!!

Cruise makes wacko jacko look normal

Uh Tom - if this knowledge is so important to the Earth's people - here's a little clue to getting them to come onboard - you make it free to disseminate and they will make up their own minds...

Brainwashing only leads to bitter disappointment, and deranged individuals on rooftops with 303s...

BTW - I know you don't believe in that shit - but you seriously need some Valium and a restraint...

@Cheap Shot: Oprah.

This man is so hollow inside his soul rattles around like a bee-bee in an empty oil drum.

Someone squirt that man with a trick microphone! That slowed him down for a minute.

@blackheartededitor: CTRL-ALT-DEL

I can't wait till the day Hollywood comes out about Scientology and says "GOTCHA!"

Wow. This is much better, thanks Molly. In the next version (18 seconds), could you just edit it down to his laughs? It could be the new "couch-jumping loop" for masochists.

Some thoughts from the Spooktacular abridged version:

1. As eloquent as Charlie Callas ("pffft," "phooofh") and about as funny.
2. Be afraid, be very afraid.
3. I don't wanna hear about any "in or out" anywhere NEAR your "area," dude.
4. M-O-U-S-EEEEEEEE . . . seriously, Elvis sounded saner talking about "TCB."
5. NO!!!! We DON'T know what you're saying, you freaky closet-case.

Where is the part about romping?

@blackheartededitor:

That was fantastic.

He's not really talking to anybody, is he?

Nice logo. ABS? DB7? FZR?
SOD?
"Pssth! Boy."

Still, what a cutie. But now I know to add a ball gag to my fantasies. I'd like to get him all greasy with some KFC.

What is so funny? I don't understand his laughter. It's like reading from a phone book and laughing hysterically!

Aside from the science fiction bent to this garbage, how is Tom's ramble any different from, say, beliefs held by millions upon millions of Bible-thumping evangelicals currently swarming to voting booths in our country?

And is "SP" code for "hot guy"?

when i was little and would dream of being an actress i would fake interview myself in the mirror. i never actually said anything, but just sort of rambled and pretended to be interesting and deep.

this makes me look weird, but i was 8. tom cruise is way older than 8, and he is not playing dress-up (to our knowledge), nor is he talking to a bathroom mirror. in comparison, my 8 year old self still made more sense.

@CaptainFantastic: Ok that one practically made me laugh out loud. Simple, funny and probably the truth!

23. And the LORD sayeth unto him "Pfoot, zam, KSW, LRH" and lo, he respondeth "Mmm! Uh."

#2 on Buzzfeed right now: Nick Denton's Balls.

[www.buzzfeed.com]

@kathotdog: Tom Cruise already played himself in the movie version. It was called "Magnolia."

@MadgeicLife:

You're absolutely right about the evangelicals. Twisted fanatics are twisted fanatics--whether Buddhist, Baptist, or David Koresh-ians.

But there is a difference in the source materials that get ruined by so many idiots. There are "degrees of viability" in these matters. Relevance, Reason, Historicity, and Sanity do play into the mix. Religious sources are weird, by nature, but not as screamingly weird as basing one's entire worldview on the incoherent ramblings and blatant hack-fantasies of an embarrassing nutstink like L. Ron Hubbard.

Team Defamer Lexikon of Insults!

Does Lalo Schifrin get any royalties from this? Someone alert the RIAA!

@MadgeicLife: "SP" means someone who doesn't like Scientology, i.e. they are "suppressive people" who hate the truth because they are irrational.

A Freedom Medal Of Valor.

Don't McCain & Kerry have a few of those?

Whoever came up with that one needs to start writing trailer copy.

@kathotdog: God, yes. Especially for the gay sex scenes.

@KarenUhOh: Kriscount Shoe Warehouse?