he has personally PERSONALLY helped turn 1 billion people. and tom, heidi klum called, she wants her catchphrase back.

bat.shit.ca-RAZy.

Freak show... anybody looking for faith without the freak hollywoodpastor.com

Is it me, or can you see the moon rock glowing in the background?

I'm so glad you got this thing back up. People who say not to knock people for their religious beliefs really need to see this. They might reconsider.

This is not some benign meditation group we're talking about here. These people are dangerous freaks.

Besides, if CO$ is so proud of its organization, why not let people see the video? It's not like he's discussing some kind of confidential material.

The very fact that they keep pulling stuff off the internet and threatening to sue says volumes about them.

Those eyes. Those blood thirty eyes! The gleam. I see it in my nightmares. That menacing soundtrack! Its unrelenting tickle of the synthesizer! And that laugh. That maniacal laugh!

So cold. So ccccold.

Tom says he doesn't mince words, but he never finishes a sentence.

How can he KSW (Keep Scientology Working) with such poor communication skills?

Looks like rehearsal footage for Magnolia 2.

So... being a Scientologist means always pulling over at accidents and never going on vacation. Goddamn! Sign me up! Does anyone have one of those free Will Smith cards handy?

Okay, sorry, I'm going to be ranting today. Tom says he's been asked, have you ever met an SP? And he says SPs don't come up to him.

This is ridiculous. Hubbard came up with the term "Suppressive Person," and claimed that something like 2% of the general population fell into this category. However, ONLY HUBBARD could decide who actually was a Suppressive Person and who wasn't. It becomes obvious that anyone who disagrees with Scientology is a Suppressive Person. When Tom says that no Suppressive Person comes up to him, maybe that is because he is shielded in his little Scientology bubble. People are afraid to disagree with him about anything, for fear of being branded "SP."

He uses the acronym "KSW" and then, immediately after, says, "I don't mince words."
That's funny, no?

All the same, I'd want me some Scientologists around if I get hit by a car. Just saying.

He says Scientology can "unite cultures". And to think that, while all the world's leaders have been trying to come up with a solution the crisis in the Middle East for years, all they had to do was ring up Cruise...

Andrew Morton must be rubbing his hands with glee because that book of his is going to fly off the shelves now...

BTW, I've been looking for a really sweet avatar - the image at 5:02 might be too good to pass up.

@NotReadyForPrimeTime: Yeah, what about that interviewer from Der Spiegel a few years ago? He wasn't an SP? What the hell do you have to do to be branded an SP? Because I'd really like to earn that title.

We've been wondering if the estate of Lalo Schifrin officially licensed that derivation of the "M:I" theme song for inclusion on that video. Or did they rip it from Tom Cruise's collection of mp3s?

@hypebreaker:

Before you make your final avatar choice, may I respectfully suggest you check out tomcruiseisnuts.com and freekatie.net. The images are priceless.

Nope. Still not a believeable actor.

All that crazy coming out of such a hot man.

He's just doing karate and trying to get females pregnant.

@nick_r:

I think it's easy. Even though Hubbard originally claimed that something like 2.5% of the general population is Suppressive, this was a subjective determination made only by him. Nowadays, I don't know who decides, but the minute you disagree with a Scientologist, you're branded SP. So that would be like 98% of the population, right? I think Hubbard had his statistics backward.

It's easy for us to laugh, but I understand that if you are already in the organization and get slapped with an SP designation, it's like a public exiling. No one is allowed to speak to you and you are shunned. It must be quite traumatic for the poor souls trapped in this way.

Wow. I feel exactly the same way about pizza.

Words. Fail. Me.

What, he couldn't get Haggis to write something for him?!? Maybe he can be available for "The Continuing Story of Tom Cruise, Scientologist."

P.S. - Why can't he take a vacay again?? Because "he knows"?! Knows what? That he might meet some SPs (Sane People) maybe . . .

@nick_r: It sounds like he just ripped off the story arc of Spider-Man 2.

Has anyone else noticed that the rate of posts on both Defamer and Gawker have slowed waaaay down since the posting of the Tom Cruise/scientology stories?

@jobsworth:

Yes, I'm waiting to be kidnapped and silenced momentarily myself.

What a fuckin' nutjob. They let people like him raise children?

Where's the link to sign up at the Church?

Also, I believe Nicole Kidman qualified as an SP.

It is my opinion that the tenets of Anne Heche's Fresno-based 'Church of the Wandering Celestians' are LIGHT-YEARS more sensible than any of Hubbard's various brain-loogies.

It's easy for a particularly twisted mind to create a nonsensical cult, but yes, Tom, it IS hard to keep them working.

VO: Can two grown men share a cult without driving each other supressive?

I bet Cruise could be tricked into becoming a devout member of the Church of the SubGenius, too--you know, the ones that think J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is real and that the Xists are coming in flying saucers on July 5th.

Cruise ruthlessly put his ethics into himself? Ow!

Does anybody know where they come up with that figure at the end of the video? It's so random. How could they count that high, even if it were true?

Incessantly talking without finishing sentences or making sense is called called "logorrhea"--and it's the sign of a seriously disordered personality. The next step is "word salad", where he just spews words without any semblance of sentence structure, like "rhinocerois tea-kettle murphy bed applesauce", and that means a true psychotic break. Won't that be fun?

One billion people! How are they counting "people Tom Cruise has introduced to Scientology"?

Here we go, as quoted from Wikipedia:

"Logorrhoea or logorrhea (Greek λογορροια, logorrhoia, "word-flux") is defined as an "excessive flow of words" and, when used medically, refers to incoherent talkativeness that occurs in certain kinds of mental illness, such as mania. The spoken form of logorrhoea (in the non-medical sense) is a kind of verbosity that uses superfluous or fancy words to disguise a useless or simple message as useful or intellectual, and is commonly known as "verbal diarrhoea" or "diarrhoea of the mouth."

[en.wikipedia.org]

@NotReadyForPrimeTime: I'm pretty sure that Miscavige and his pal Rinder (who runs the ominously-named Office of Special Affairs) have the power to slap anyone they want with the SP label since Hubbard kicked the bucket.

As for the numbers, those probably came from the same Co$ statistics department that puts Co$ membership at seven million, or whatever ludicrous figure they're going with these days...

PS: what's "LOH technology"? All Google can find is people mocking this very video.

Ladies and Gentlemen...
Your 2007 Extemporaneous Speaker of the Year...

Did Defamer put the Mission Impossible background guitar in there or did the Scientologies?

I love how the end tells us that he's introduced blah blah technology to "over a billion people of Earth and that's just the first " and that's only the first wave he's unleashed." Does this mean some other unsuspecting planet is in for a pile of KSW whoopass in the future? Watch out good people (or gelatinous goo globs, whichever the case may be) of Gliese 581 C!

@thehmsbeagle:
It's simple--they're adding up the estimated number of people who have seen Tom Cruise on the screen since "Risky Business". Because, you know, going to a movie with him in it is the same as being exposed to Scientology, right?

Wow, he really doesn't do well without a script- all the nonsensical bursts of laughter, the knee-slapping, the hand motions? If there's anything better than 9 straight minutes of hearing the Mission Impossible theme on loop, it's hearing Tom say he wishes he could "romp and play". When I heard that I had an image of him dressed as Little Lord Fauntleroy prancing around in a garden.

@thehmsbeagle: I'm pretty sure that's "LRH" technology.

@AgitpropVT:

Are you aware that Mike Rinder has gone missing? I'm serious. They were talking about it at Operation Clambake.

@NotReadyForPrimeTime: Seriously?? This is news to me, I haven't been paying much attention to these circus freaks over the past couple of years; I'd better go read up. You'd think that someone would have made a big deal about it, seeing that he was the guy that they'd usually trot out to deal with the media.

What a tool.

My favorite line? "People are looking to Scientologists for answers."

Yeah, answers to inquiries like "Why are you giving all your money to this group?" and "How can you believe this crap?"

What's the word for when a person is speaking and they pause for a really long time and you think they are going to say something utterly profound and then they just say some cliched bullshit or something completely inane? That's what he does.

"When I travel around the world and I meet the leaders that I've met...(long pause)...I want to help."

Oh.

Tom, SP's don't confront you for the same reason we don't confront the homeless man having a screaming argument with his invisible friend. And you might want to lay off the turtlenecks- they really highlight that waddle you're developing.

And can we let some lions loose in the arena? Because I'd like to be a spectator for that.