Defamer
Our rough calculations bring us to Day 17 of Kiefer Sutherland's 48-day stint in the Glendale pokey—perhaps the writers strike can lend us their ring girl— and while we've already established that this would be a bleak Christmas (and birthday) for Kief, bereft of cupcakes, hearty Tannenbaum tacklings, and single malt holiday cheer, we barely knew the extent of it:
PageSix.com has learned exclusively that Kiefer's pre-screened visitor list has just two people on it: attorney Blair Berk, and his doctor.
That means the soon-to-be 41-year-old actor will be alone for the holidays and his birthday, tomorrow.So how is he occupying his time? By reading fan mail and doing laundry.
Glendale City Jail spokesman Officer Balian tells PageSix.com that, "Kiefer is a really nice and humble guy, and just wants to put this behind him."
We're concerned: He won't even take a glass-partitioned meeting with his agents? Something doesn't add up. The uncharacteristically low-key star of 24 must have something up sleeve, perhaps planning on lulling the soundbite-friendly Balian into a false sense of security, so he can eventually ambush him with a handful of powdered detergent in the eyes, a rolled-up postcard plunged into his neck, and a daring escape through the tunnel he stealthily dug over the past few weeks with a Tide measuring cap.
- Kiefer's Lonely Days of Laundry [PageSix.com]
Comments
Man, I sure hope got my package. And that he appreciates my "modeling" pics.
How has Kiefer managed to do half his sentence while Lohan and Richie were out in a matter of hours?
Don't they know we need him - now more than ever? Christmas trees don't just tackle themselves.
I really wish he was rehearsing a Filipino-style dance routine.
@Sweet Panda Love: That's how broken the system is; they can't even give preferential treatment to the right people.
He is pretty damn serious about this thing. Goddamn Kiefer back up off yourself!
Knowing Kiefer he's probably distilling a combo of old fruit and urine to make some jailhouse moonshine.
"Mmmmmmm ... jailhouse moonshine ... "
It warms my heart to know WE'RE the ones getting him through this, as he reads our fan mail (especially the modeling pictures, natch!) and dreams of walking out of prison and seeing the thousands of ribbons we've tied around every light pole between Glendale and Los Feliz, triumphantly marking his path back to the Rustic.
I'm a doctor, can I go in? What, I am!
@BabylonSister: Brilliant Babylon! Mark! Seth! Quick! Rent out the Rustic for the Defamer holiday party! Does Big Brother Gawker give y'all some sort of budget for such a thing? Free Kief!
@Pomalina: Why rent it when we can just show up? Perhaps we can lead him there with a tantalizing trail of tacklable Tannenbaums...
@Sweet Panda Love: That was a lot of alliteration from creative commenters - lurve it!
I had a candle lit vigil on the weekend - and let me tell you - it was hard drinking that bottle of J&B by myself - but I got there in the end... Christmas trees nonwithstanding...
@Sweet Panda Love:
Bravo on the alliteration. What a cool club we have here!
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