To be perfectly honest, we're as baffled as Paris Hilton is as to where all those silly internet items about her interest in outlandish things like cryogenics and drunken elephants originate. In other, completely unrelated news, the Simple Life star was recently spotted tending to one of her prized, extremely rare pet Oompa-Loompas, injured when the crowd at a Miami appearance got out of hand. People has the details:

The heiress was among those in the crowd at Cameo nightclub in Miami early Saturday morning at an event sponsored by Ariva smokeless tobacco, featuring a performance of Beacher's Comedy Madhouse with three Oompa-Loompa characters in orange makeup and green hair.

Suddenly, the crowd rushed the stage, injuring Oompa-Loompa performer Robin Sherwood, whose leg was badly cut. Hilton, coincidentally, is friends with Sherwood and had visited him earlier in the day during rehearsals.

A Cameo source adds: "Yes, Paris Hilton stayed with him until an ambulance came to take care of him. ... Paris was great, she was there until he was turned over to the medical technicians."

We're happy to report that Sherwood, pictured above looking uncannily like a miniature, Mystic-Tanned John Goodman, was released from hospital not long after that, no worse for the wear save for a couple of stitches. He'll immediately return to his taffy-pulling duties, alongside the several hundred other green-haired confectionery pygmies the Veruca Salt-like heiress keeps penned behind her gated estate, perhaps even being granted a double-ration of his weekly cacao bean salary for all the discomfort he's endured over the past couple of days.

• Paris Comforts Injured Oompa-Loompa Performer [People]