Tonight, we as a nation will have one last chance to choose our sixth American Idol, a coronation that will be completed on tomorrow's bloated, two-hour finale, an event unlikely to be made any more palatable by a surprise appearance by Prince or a moist-eyed David Hasselhoff. What we're most anticipating, however, is the possibility of an old-fashioned Paula Abdul toxic meltdown. The signs are all there:
· We briefly noted yesterday that Abdul broke her nose in an effort to avoid stepping on her dog Tulip, which resulted in a colorful array of jokes in today's headlines. Could something have impaired her ability to maneuver around a Chihuahua? Only Paula, and anyone who can see or hear Paula, knows for certain. [CNN.com]

· Paparazzi captured a sobbing Abdul as she left her home in the Hollywood Hills yesterday on her way to the Kodak Theater. Was she demonstrating the "extreme mood swings and emotional outbursts" associated with substance abuse, or had she just buried the Jimmy-Choo-trampled remains of Tulip in the backyard? [TMZ]
· Describing the incident to Fox News, Abdul displayed all the zonked-out slurringand eye-rolling we've come to associate with the center Idol judge. Still, leaving room for the possibility that the vivacious reporter is less than three feet tall, we were most impressed by the fact that Abdul appears to be hovering several feet off the ground, which to our knowledge would be a first for the pharmaceutical enthusiast and more than worthy of our silent awe. [BWE.tv]